I'm the problem...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
I'm the problem...
2
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 11:40am

Let me start off by saying, that my husband is wonderful. He is an excellent father. He is the type of man that a lot of women would want. The problem is that I don't want him. I am not attracted to him. AT ALL. The thought of having sex or him touching me makes my skin crawl and I feel nauscious all the time because I'm apprehensive about him trying to make a move. I shut him down and I know that's hurting him.

We've talked about divorcing, but I always say I'm going to work on it. Things will be good for a week or two, but them it's back to where it was. He KNOWS I'm having an issue with the sex stuff, but he still pursues, and I resent that. He's pushing me to do something I don't want to. I know we're married and this is something we're supposed to do, but the more I get pushed by it the worse the problem gets. When he pushes for sex it un-does everything. Two weeks after I had my girls he was pressuring me to have sex. The night his mother died he wanted sex. Am I the only one that sees something wrong with that?

As far as the attraction, I think one of my problems is that he has no desire to make anything better for himself. I've been an on again off again college student for almost 10 years. My goal has always been to get a degree. I just didn't know what I wanted to do yet. No one else in my family has a college education. I've always had the goal to be the one. I've changed my major 4 times, but 2 years ago I was pregnant and fell in love with the body. I decided then that I wanted to be a nurse. DH is a college antagonist. It has always been a bone of contention between us. He thinks that college is a racket and that if you work hard enough than there is no need for college and there are plenty of college grads that work at McDonald's. He says that he'll support me through whatever, but his version of support is standing behind me being silent. I need someone that is going to stand beside me. I need a cheerleader. I have a passion for nursing and the body. I love to study this stuff, but he see's this as attention diverted away from him, and thinks I'm putting it first. Sadly, I think I am too, but I get satisfaction from this. I'm not being satisfied by him. Sorry. I guess I'm being selfish.

To summarize, we both know there is a problem, but neither one of us want to make the decision to go. My heart is not in it anymore. I want it to be, but even as I type that there is a part of me that laughs inside of me and says that I'm lying to myself. We're only together for the kids right now, and we both don't want that. We both agree that we want our kids to grow up with loving parents. We want them to see what healthy love is supposed to look like. WHY CAN'T I just be happy with him?? I'm such a B!

Any thoughts?

C


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 4:48pm

Welcome to the board jinx56,


Would you be willing to go to individual counseling or marriage counseling to work on these issues? Of course in order for the counseling to work, you have to want it to work.


Sex is important in a marriage, but he shouldn't be pressuring you into it. Is he doing that?

Coltaramyspace layouts, myspace codes, glitter graphics
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 4:49pm

Welcome to the board jinx56,


My guess is that you aren't a B! as you put it, but more that your emotional needs have gone unmet for so long that you've got a ton of resentment built up.