im sad and unhappy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
im sad and unhappy
9
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 12:39am
I have been married for 36 years, my dh hasnt
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:28am
Honestly, why stay in the marriage? What are you getting from it?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:57am

18 Year seems like an incredibly long time to be without intimacy.

I have to agree with the above comment. Why stay?

If he's already become so distant where he won't even speak with you and you live together, I think you might want to start weighing your options.

you deserve happiness. Maybe if you go away for a while and visit family, to re-assess what exactly is going on. You both do need to talk about this. There is definitely a huge problem :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 12:00pm

Welcome to the board mom-sosad,


I agree with gina why stay. I know 36 years is a long time but do you really want to spend the rest of your life this unhappy. Would he go to marriage counseling with you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 1:19pm

Welcome to the board mom-sosad,


What do you want? Do you want to stay married? Do you want to end it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 10:45pm
thankyou for all your replies it helps knowing im no alone
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 10-03-2008 - 6:44pm

Firstly, you do not have a marriage, you have a friendship. A marriage includes sexual intimacy and when this has been absent for 18 years, you would have to feel lonely, frustrated, rejected. And your husband as well. If you want to stay together, get to couple therapy and find out what in the world is going on? Why has this happened? Why have you stayed in a situation for so long where you cannot get what you need and where your husband can't either. Truly, it is unhealthy to allow this to go on without understanding and without finding a way to have your needs for warmth, intimacy and closeness met.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2008
Fri, 10-10-2008 - 9:21pm

Hi there. I wish I could just give you a big hug. I cannot even imagine going without intimacy for so many years. Heck, I feel rejected if we only have intimacy once a month.
Do you want to stay? Do you think maybe you want to leave but are scared of change and the unknown keeps you stuck? If you do divorce, will you be taken care of financially?

My own mother and father divorced after 35 years of marriage. It was years ago, but I remember what a relief it was at the time, for me, because we all KNEW how unhappy they were. My heart goes out to you....if you ever wanna talk- please email me-
I say step into the unknown- find yourself again- take some of your savings YOU BOTH have built for years and have a chapter 2. I am thinking of you. If the only thing that is holding you back is fear- embrace the change!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sat, 10-11-2008 - 1:02am
Hi Thanks for
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2008
Sat, 10-11-2008 - 1:08am
hi thank you for writing back to me , i will go to therapy in my church , as i dont have money for a therapist, he doesnt seem to mind or he would have fixed this a long time ago he has no respect for me , he hasnt talked to me for weeks i am always the one to make up which is degrading to me . there is no answer