I'm scared he might cheat on me

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
I'm scared he might cheat on me
7
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 2:59pm

I've been seeing someone for the past month and a half. We've been exclusively seeing each other for a few weeks now and things have been going really well - we text each other all the time and he seem to really care about me and is always there to try and help me if I need anything - he calls me all the time and I'm the one he normally tells things to if somethnig is going on with him - sicne he met me that is. Even though it's only been a month and a half, things are going extremely well - esp considering how picky I am with guys.

My problem is that I ocassionally have minor panic attacks when I notice somethnig odd. A few weeks ago I was ready to break things off with him because I kept getting this vibe that he was gay/bi and he was only using me for emtional support (like my first love who cheated on me with other men while leaching on me emotionally). And then, last Thursday, he slept through our date because he barely slept at all the past two nights cos of work. I understood that and didn't make a big deal out of it. Today I noticed that he was online last Thursday on his fake dating profile (it's just a fake profile with no pic and false information that he'd used previously when he was single - probably to look up other profiles without letting them know that he viewed them). He never logs on there - but I find it sort of odd that he got on there the same day he "slept through" our date - especially considering how he'd told me he was sooo tired that day that he just passed out without warning. He sometimes sleeps for extended periods of time (esp following a busy couple of work days), where he'd completely disappear - this happens maybe once a wekk.

I KNOW I'm over reacting - or am I? I just can't help it. This seems to be the pattern whenever I've been played by a guy.....

My instinct is to break things off, but I'm fighting it real hard - I just wanted to vent somewhere. Please someone knock some sense into me. I sabotaged my last semi successful relationship by "breaking it off" with my ex every two weeks for trivial things. I think deep inside I don't want to be with someone. Or do you think I have any basis for my fears? Please be nice!!! :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 4:07pm

Well I would think it's odd for a guy to be going on the dating site while he is supposed to be dating you since you have agreeed to be exclusive--the only way that you can find out what he was donig on there is to ask him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 4:34pm

I don't have my real profile up anymore on that website. I do have a fake profile which I specifically told him about when I created it and he said he was ok with it - I was using it to help critique a couple of my friends' dating profiles - sometimes my friend also sends me profiles of girls he's interested in to ask for my opinion. I don't have my pic up on my fake profile - and all the info on there is false as well. I actually haven't got on there in a few weeks cos my friend found someone.... i'm not even sure my guy has my fake username. He has no reason to be online though - unless he got an email with his weekly "matches" and he clicked the link to check out his matches and he was automatically logged in....

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 5:00pm

Many dating sites use little bits of coding called "cookies" .

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 5:04pm

I just saw that when I searched for his username on that site, it says he "replies often"..... I'm in tears... I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him? Or do you think there's a bug in the system..?? :(

He'd also accidentally given me the password to that account - he changed it now....

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 6:11pm

I would talk to him.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2012
Thu, 04-26-2012 - 10:23pm

Thank you. It's just a fake profile, so I don't even know why I got freaked out in the first place.... I asked him if he logs on there and he said he doesn't and that I'm free to check up on him - and I trust him - I actually knew I trusted him even before I headed over to see him. It was just a moment of craziness on my part when I had my freak out. I'm guessing his cellphone app automatically logged him in or something. Later he mesasged me telling me I'm free to ask him whatever's on my mind cos he could tell something wasn't right.

I do think I should work on these panic attacks though. At least I haven't been acting out on them like I used to, I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Fri, 04-27-2012 - 12:02am

Justme, YOU have a problem.