i'm scared - what do i do

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
i'm scared - what do i do
8
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 2:15pm
I've been married for 4 years now and have been physically and verbally abused the whole time. I have 3 children and get put down because of it (2 are from previous relationship). I'm a b---- and a whore, etc. 6 months ago he confessed he cheated on me...it had been a week since the incident....it continued for 4 months, i filed for divorce he did anything and everything to me, kicked, punched, choked, i'm suprised to still be here. I left him for good and hid from him but of course he got to me begged and i did notice a change but its been a month and a half since we've been back together and he's back to his abusive self again.

Last night he made me sleep on the floor because he was hot. I'm tired of feeling like nothing, worthless yet i don't have the courage to leave....where can i find that? anyone?

At work i feel very smart and confident, but once i go home i feel like i put the "jack-ass" hat on - I'm nobody, i have no say so, he can discipline the kids because "they never listen to me" I need the courage i had about 2 months ago when i completely avoided him.

if nothing at all, i just need someone to talk to who won't say "its all your fault for staying with him"

D

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 2:45pm
I feel for you, truly I do, and it is NOT all your fault. Regardless of what you've done, you DO NOT deserve to be treated like this! You need to get out of there NOW, and take your kids, too. Is there a trusted friend or relative you can stay with, or a hotel, or a women's shelter? ANYWHERE, just get away from that horrible man! I would recommend calling the police once you've gone, and inform them of the situation. Good luck to you, sweetie, be brave, and GET OUT>
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 2:53pm
Honey this is not YOUR fault. I agree siebal, get out NOW! This relationship is not healthy for you and certainly not for your kids. Do what ever you have to to get away from this man before it's too later. Good luck and take care.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 2:56pm
you should be the smart, attractive, brave woman you feel like at work, because that is who you are. who the hell is he to tell you other wise, not to mention raising a hand against you?! you deserve better and you know better than staying with him. move out now before he kills someone. why love someone who could hurt you in so many ways? you are stroung enough to decide for your own life and happiness. he needs to be out of your life. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 3:05pm
Your children are watching and learning from you and your husband. They're learning what a relationship between a man and a woman looks like. Your son(s) are learning to be brutes and your daughter(s) are learning to be doormats. For their sake, leave now and never return. Show them how a strong woman corrects a mistake.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 4:42pm
I agree with the responses you have rec'd so far.... I would add, check out the Domestic Abuse Support board here at ivillage....they've been through it and can give you lots of ideas I'm sure.

Did you know that you only have to hear 1 negative thing 7 times before you start to believe it? You have to matter to you. You have to value you. You have to find your self-esteem, your inner strenght and stand up for yourself. No one can save you but you.

This man is your children's role model for being a father and being a husband. Would you want either of your daughters to be in a relationship with a man like him? Would you want your son to behave like your husband?

Call 1-800-977-SAFE and look into a shelter, as well as a number in your area so you can get together with a good support group-and most have children facilities and counseling for children too.

Please take back your power and do what you know is right for you and your children. You have to push through that fear.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 6:16pm
Find the book called "it isn't about the horse" (Honestly it has nothing to do about horses) It is about overcoming fear and self-doubt!

It's not your fault, and don't believe anyone that tells you that!!! You will find the courage you need inside of you, it's there you just have to be ready to find it. You really have to believe that it's not you causing these problems and it's not your fault for staying with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2004
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 7:57pm
You are worth something and something alot better then you have now. I have a wonderful husband for 20 years and yes we have been having alot of trouble lately(mid life crisis) but there are good men out there and you deserve better. Right now your self-esteem is very low, get away and find a support group, like church or even a some hospitals. There are battered women shelters that take children and hide you from your husband. Please keep positive thoughts and remeber you are worthy of alot better.

In Florida you can dial 211 and they direct you to help. I am not sure if this is all over. Look in the front of the phone book. Remember you have 3 children that need a positive parent in thier life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 8:04pm
Please get out for the sake of your kids. Has he been abusing them too?

You have a choice as an adult. They do not. They are depending on you to provide a safe house for them.

What are you teaching them about love, respect, self-esteem, treating others, how to be treated and choose friends, etc. YOu are their role model. Be a positive one!