I'm a secret

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
I'm a secret
8
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 11:52am
My boyfriend and I (both 31) have been dating for 6 months. My friends and family know of him. He's only met two of my friends and everyone else knows of him. I have not met anyone on his side. The thing which is upsetting me is no-one on his side even knows I exist. I found this odd and it is starting to disturb me.

Am I over-reacting?

I feel at this stage, when the discussion of moving-in together has been brought up and we just booked a cruise for the begininng of June together, I should not be a mystery. I do not understand why he doesn't share my existence with others. Whenever I suggest going out with my friends, he shys away from that with one excuse or another. It's getting old and I'm not certain I want to be in a hidden relationship any longer.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: kalkalr
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:18pm

I would discuss this with him...ask him why he is keeping you as ab outsider in the life you've been sharing with him...Its my opinion(at least from past experience), that the more you like someone, the more you talk about htem.Face it, this aint Hollywood and im sure he doesnt have the papparazzi chasing you guys, so why the secrets?


I would ask him, " hey, Im sooo excited to spend tme with you, I can hardley keep you to myself and i was wondering if you shared the same esxcitment?"...


Good luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: kalkalr
Mon, 03-22-2004 - 12:30pm
Why do you think he doesn't want others to know you exist? Have you been to his house? His work? Do you think he is keeping a bigger secret? Is it possible that he is married/has a girlfriend? 6 months is a long time to go without meeting any of these people.

If I were you I would tell him either you meet his friends/family asap or you leave. He is sending you a strong message and you need to do the same

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
In reply to: kalkalr
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 9:31am
Thanks for your feedback and advice.

My converstation about this situation last night didn't go over all too well. I expressed how the secrecy makes me feel and there wasn't much acknowledgement of that except to say I wasn't accurate in my thoughts. The end result, he told me he's a private person and isn't ready to share his relationship with me with others.

I'm not happy with that response. I don't buy it. Now I have to find the strength to move on. My gut tells me he's hiding something in his past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
In reply to: kalkalr
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 10:45am
even "private people" have friends/family. after 6 months i agree that you should meet SOMEONE in his life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: kalkalr
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 6:23pm
I am still curious about my original questions. Have you been to his apartment or his work?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
In reply to: kalkalr
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 7:34pm
Funny this subject should come up cuz I've been dealing with almost the exact same thing. We've been together for over six months now and though he's met some of my family I haven't met any of his. I've talked to his brother on the phone a few times so he knows I exist as does a few of his friends. Mom and Dad don't seem to know and I know they're VERY religious (old school) and I'm a single mom with three kids and their father and I never married so there is a lot to 'look down' upon there. Makes me wonder, at least in my case, if there is some shame involved.

Do you have anything he could consider embarrassing or shameful to where he doesn't want people to know about you? And have you been to his place, etc?

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
In reply to: kalkalr
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 8:46pm
Yes, oddly now it seems, I've been to his apartment. I'm pretty much there at least once a week. I haven't been to his work but that's mainly because it's so inconvenient for me to get there. We have a few weekend getaways planned that I was going to use a test-of-sorts (before this secrecy stuff got the best of me). I figured his cell phone would go off during that time and if it was his family, he'd answer it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2004
In reply to: kalkalr
Tue, 03-23-2004 - 8:48pm
Hi There.

Nope, nothing that I consider something to be ashamed of. The only thing I can think of is my parents are divorced and his parents are sticklers for making it work, etc. But, other than that, I have no dark clouds in my past. It's very bizarre, and annoying!

Sorry to hear you are going through something similar. It's definitely not fun.