I'm so confused about this situation!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2007
I'm so confused about this situation!
2
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 12:04pm
Okay so I'm dating this older man. I'm 21 and his in his mid 30's. Awhile ago someone had called his phone. The name Carlos showed up, and this person left a message. So he was sleeping and I decided to check the message that this person left. All of a sudden the message that so called Carlos left was a woman. I know this woman. She use to work for the same company as him. He knows I dislike he very much. But now she left a message saying,"Hey it's Cherri. Give me a call back." I confronted him about it but said that Carlos called and left a message. So right away he checks his messages. And than I said some lady named Cherri called too. And he quickly said maybe its about his cell phone. Because theres a lady named Cherly who works for his company. So right there I knew he was lieing to me. So I let it go just to see if he was going to say anything about it. Then later that day I talked to him. I told him that I knew who it was and why was he talking to her and keeping her number hidden from me. So right away was reaction was to ask him if he was cheating. And he just got more upset and said "You think I'm cheating!?" After that he wasn't saying anything to me when I was trying to resolve the problem. Finally he said I don't talk to her I don't know what your talking about. But than says I only talked to her a couple times about work. It made me very upset and frustrated. I then told him thats why I'm here to talk about work or anything else. Because I'm your girlfriend. The conversation wasn't going anywhere so I left with my mother. I was at her house for about three days, and then he decides to call and pick me up. When I go with him he doesn't say anything about the situation and acts as if nothing happened. So I check his phone and the number is erased from his contacts. But about a few weeks later I was calling my mother. And noticed that she had called and he returned the call. I let that one pass just to see if he would bring it up. But he never did. Then just recently yesterday. I went to my mother's house to spend time with my father because he is by himself at the moment. And I'm calling and calling him but he doesn't answer. So I leave a message and didn't like the way it sounded so I called back and went to check the messages on the phone, because I know his password and heard another message from her. I stated that she doesn't have her phone anymore and gave him her new number. When I asked him not to talked to her, because theres no reason. So after that I tried calling here and there for 4-5 hours but he didn't answer. Now I don't know how to bring this up with him and discuss it. Because to me even though he's not doing anything sexual with her. It still feels like cheating. Can you give me some advice on how to talk to him. And if I should call her and tell I don't want her calling or talking to my boyfriend.
Thank You
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 1:22pm

Welcome to the board laanoalii,


Do not, I repeat do not call her and say anything to her. This will only make things worse between you and your boyfriend. He is still talking to her and lying to you about this. This isn't right. You need to sit down with and talk to him about this. If the two of you can't reach an agreement about her and his contact with her than maybe this isn't the right relationship for either of you.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-24-2007 - 2:17pm

Welcome to the board laanoalii,


You already know he's lying. You are wanting him to admit his wrong doing whether it's lying or cheating.