I'm so jealous

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
I'm so jealous
8
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 7:30pm
Ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we have a child together. But every month we fight about his sexual past. I start it. He had a 3 year relationship with a girl, who cheated on him and broke up with him. When we started dating he couldnt stop talking about her. honestly, i thought he would get back with her and that me and him would be a fling.
Since then I have forced him to tell me EVERYTHING about every girl hes ever been with and I cannot take what I hear. And its not like I can just not ask, because I HAVE to or itll eat me up.
I have people searched every last girlfriend. It bothers me that all these girls are scummy and would have done it with anybody. It bothers me that he has NO CLASS and makes me wonder why did he pick me? Maybe he thought he could get laid and it just lasted longer.
Anyway, this time I actually feel suicidal. I want to just stop the thoughts and the pictures I get. Its to the point that I wish I could go back in time and kill all the girls before he gets to them.
This is tearing us apart and no matter what he says,I cant stop thinking.
Please help me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 7:34pm
Wow. Are you doing any counselling?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
Tue, 03-20-2007 - 9:04pm
Ive considered it...but lack of money and time is a factor.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 2:22am

Welcome to the board shea2007.


Please call the National Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 8:53am

(((Hugs Shae2007))), while we are very happy that you have come here seeking support from this great community, it is very important that you seek help and support in real life. I have found some information for you that might help.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 3:01pm
you need to let it go. obsessing over his past is not going to give you peace of mind. i obsessed over my husbands past flings (he never had a girlfriend before me, all he had was "f**kbuddies). Anyway, obsessing over it will jsut tear you up inside. Let it go and keep in mind that you won in the end bc all those scummy girls missed out on him. Whenever I see one of my husbands ex screwbuddies, i remind myself that im better than her bc i landed him and she didnt. i also tend to flash my engagement and wedding ring in their faces just to rub it in :-P
anyway, that's it for the obsessive thing. But what i can't get out of my mind is you saying that he has no class and that he treats you like a fling that just lasted longer. Maybe you should catch him when he is in a good mood and tell him you want to talk. Ask him to be completely honest about his feelings for you. Tell him to tell the truth. If you think that he is only telling you what you want to hear, then maybe you are better off alone. If he gets all pissy thinking you are trying to have a lovey-dovey moment, just tell him you honestly want to know where the relationship stands.
Be completely honest with him about your feelings, but you should also be calm and collected. do not get upset or cry and scream. and by ALL MEANS, AVOID TALKING ABOUT HIS EXES! Good luck.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 4:46pm

The problem is not his, it's yours. The past is the past. Why are you so obsessed with digging into every corner of it? He is not cheating on you. He's not with anyone now. Your obsession is a sign of a disturbance you are having within yourself. It has nothing to do with him. I suggest that you get yourself to a fine therapist as soon as you possibly can. You must really understand what's causing this behavior on your part and also deal with the suicidal feelings and thoughts. Get help right away. It sounds as if you are suffering enormously. Just dealing with this online or by talking to friends will not help. You need a well trained professional psychologist to help you handle this.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 8:53pm
Thanks for the advice so far guys.
I do realize that alot of this is within me. But he contributes some too.
I think its a need for reassurance. I ask him why I'm special to him and he comes up with reasons why you love chocolate or something.
This relationship is in the tubes. I have suggested that we seek couples counseling and he agrees, but makes no moves.
I love him and I dont doubt that he loves me, its the reasons why that concerns me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-21-2007 - 11:00pm

::I have suggested that we seek couples counseling and he agrees, but makes no moves.


You have to make the move for you, after you get an appt, invite him along.