I'm so upset
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| Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:04pm |
I have to vent. I'm so upset at the moment, I'm on the verge of tears (at work, which is unexceptable). My H has been unemployed for 2 years. He finally recieved a settlement check last month and we paid off a bunch of debt that had accumulated over the last 2 years. Most of the debt was from credit cards, some from puuchases we had made prior to him losing his job, some of it from bills paid during the first few months of his unemployment. The thing is, I'm the one who came into the marriage with the line of credit. Instead of closing my accoutns and opeing up a joint account with my H, I just kept my accounts because his credit was less than fabulous. Now, I have been supporting our family which includes, 2 kids, my H, myself, and my inlaws , mortgage, 2 car payments and all other utilities, etc. I barely made enough to cover the basics (and I make good money, though it hasn't felt like it). We've been broke this whole time. But I've stayed supportive of mt H and his decisions (there's a lot of detail I'd rather not get into). And I managed to maintatin my credit until about 3 months ago, just short of my H settlement check. I just couldn't keep up anymore. So my credit went to crap immediately. I had maintain contact with the creditors, telling them my predicament about H, and staying on payment plans, etc. But it came to the point where I couldn't afford to pay anything on the credit cards...our mortgage was more important to pay...oh, BTW, the house is in my H's name only...I'm not on the title. Anyway, my H assured me that his settlement check would be enough to cover everything and that we'd get it all cleared up once it came. Well the check came, and after taxes, we were left with less than half of what we had expected. So, my H settled out with the credit card companies and paid off our cars, which is good, right? Well, come to find out, my fears we true. It doesn't matter if we're married...his credit is his credit, my credit is mine. So, he's not worked this whole time, yet his credit looks great because I paid for his car and the house that were in his name. My credit, however is in shambles because all that is seen is credit card settlements, and I don't own a house, etc. etc. I did own my own home, but sold it when I married H. Today, it really hit home how screwed I got in this whole deal. My H told me he told the creditors that I had a "spending probelm" so they'd settle for less. So I look like an as*, now, because I'd been telling them the truth the whole time, and they document everything (right?) and now it looks like I was lying. And I gave up my cell phone when he lost his job, but H kept his. I told him to get me a phone today. He called and said that they'd give him a good deal, but that they required a $200 deposit on me because of my bad credit. I was just sooo upset!! I keep trying to tell my self it doesn't matter if it's his credit or nor mine, but inside I feel really screwed. I'm not a bad person...I am responsible, yet I look like a monster and a loser, when what caused all this the begin with was my H losing HIS job!! If something were to happen to H, I'd be soo screwed. PLease help me get some prespective on this...I'm very upset and not sure how to handle it. THanks.

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I say that because if the reason you can't get a phone without $200 is YOUR credit - and he were in this for the long haul - he'd put it in his name and use his credit - to avoid the $200 deposit.
So basically, everything that is his - the house, the car - that's his outright. And all the bills that he's going to leave you with - he's making sure his name isn't attached to them.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
I dont beleive it to be the end of the world, there could me much worse things going on rigthnow and I'd be thankful for what you DO have....health, children, a house to try to keep...more than alot of folks these days have.
As for your credit. I would look into credit counseling and take this as a hard lesson learned. I would also look into
I just refuse to believe that everything else is fine....I could be cynical and wrong and I hope so.
But it just seems there isn't much honest communication going on at all.
It sounds like you were so all fired anxious to get married - that you divested yourself of your house, you put all your money into paying his bills, you've worked your tail off to support the monthly requirements.....and now that he's got the settlement check ather than you two sit down and do the allocation of pyaments - he's gone and paid off what he wanted to pay, what would be advantageous for hiim to pay - and now there is issues such as this cell phone that have you realizing "hey, I've divested myself of my funds, I have no more assets, my credit is ruined." I guess that's my point - this didn't happen overnight, it's been a slow attrition slide.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
This guy to the creditors was using you as a scapegoat and a whipping post. You didn't find that out by his open admission, either.
So please.....don't take whatever he says as carte blanche facts and truth just because it's what you want and need to hear to make yourself feel better.
He easily could have put the phone in your name, paid the $200 - and is telling you it's in his name. So please, ask to see the contract.
And as for the house deed......sit back for 2-3 days after going home tonight and specficallly saying how important it is to you to get that taken care of ASAP. He's a man without a job....if he really is on the up and up, there is nothing stopping him on Monday from going down and getting it taken care of. But something tells me if you don't say anything - you'd see 10 years worth of Monday's without it being done.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com
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