I'm so upset

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
I'm so upset
16
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:04pm
Hi everyone,

I have to vent. I'm so upset at the moment, I'm on the verge of tears (at work, which is unexceptable). My H has been unemployed for 2 years. He finally recieved a settlement check last month and we paid off a bunch of debt that had accumulated over the last 2 years. Most of the debt was from credit cards, some from puuchases we had made prior to him losing his job, some of it from bills paid during the first few months of his unemployment. The thing is, I'm the one who came into the marriage with the line of credit. Instead of closing my accoutns and opeing up a joint account with my H, I just kept my accounts because his credit was less than fabulous. Now, I have been supporting our family which includes, 2 kids, my H, myself, and my inlaws , mortgage, 2 car payments and all other utilities, etc. I barely made enough to cover the basics (and I make good money, though it hasn't felt like it). We've been broke this whole time. But I've stayed supportive of mt H and his decisions (there's a lot of detail I'd rather not get into). And I managed to maintatin my credit until about 3 months ago, just short of my H settlement check. I just couldn't keep up anymore. So my credit went to crap immediately. I had maintain contact with the creditors, telling them my predicament about H, and staying on payment plans, etc. But it came to the point where I couldn't afford to pay anything on the credit cards...our mortgage was more important to pay...oh, BTW, the house is in my H's name only...I'm not on the title. Anyway, my H assured me that his settlement check would be enough to cover everything and that we'd get it all cleared up once it came. Well the check came, and after taxes, we were left with less than half of what we had expected. So, my H settled out with the credit card companies and paid off our cars, which is good, right? Well, come to find out, my fears we true. It doesn't matter if we're married...his credit is his credit, my credit is mine. So, he's not worked this whole time, yet his credit looks great because I paid for his car and the house that were in his name. My credit, however is in shambles because all that is seen is credit card settlements, and I don't own a house, etc. etc. I did own my own home, but sold it when I married H. Today, it really hit home how screwed I got in this whole deal. My H told me he told the creditors that I had a "spending probelm" so they'd settle for less. So I look like an as*, now, because I'd been telling them the truth the whole time, and they document everything (right?) and now it looks like I was lying. And I gave up my cell phone when he lost his job, but H kept his. I told him to get me a phone today. He called and said that they'd give him a good deal, but that they required a $200 deposit on me because of my bad credit. I was just sooo upset!! I keep trying to tell my self it doesn't matter if it's his credit or nor mine, but inside I feel really screwed. I'm not a bad person...I am responsible, yet I look like a monster and a loser, when what caused all this the begin with was my H losing HIS job!! If something were to happen to H, I'd be soo screwed. PLease help me get some prespective on this...I'm very upset and not sure how to handle it. THanks.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:46pm
Hon, there's nothing you can do to "undo the damage"...but it sounds to me like he's ensured that his credit is good, he now owns a house and a car in his own name, and he's fixing to find himself a more "beneficial" relationship.

I say that because if the reason you can't get a phone without $200 is YOUR credit - and he were in this for the long haul - he'd put it in his name and use his credit - to avoid the $200 deposit.

So basically, everything that is his - the house, the car - that's his outright. And all the bills that he's going to leave you with - he's making sure his name isn't attached to them.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:53pm

I dont beleive it to be the end of the world, there could me much worse things going on rigthnow and I'd be thankful for what you DO have....health, children, a house to try to keep...more than alot of folks these days have.


As for your credit. I would look into credit counseling and take this as a hard lesson learned. I would also look into

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:57pm
I never imagined he was thinking of leaving me! He hasn't said anything to that effect, deosn't act like he's mad or unhappy with me, still very loving, etc. Plus, his parents live with us. I do know that live in a 50-50 state and if we were to divorce, we'd split everything , including selling the house etc. I'm just having a pride and integrity problem, more than anything right now. I worked really hard to get where I am today, both professionally and financially. And it really ticks me off that I'm getting the sort end of the stick, credit wise. You know what I mean? At this point, I have no choice but to rebuild my credit. And if that means paying $200 deposits, then so be it. I'm going to demand that I be put on the house title too. That's what I've come up with so far sitting here thinking about it all. I'm not mad at him, but I'm feeling insecure...I've never not been able to take care of myself as an adult and for the first time, I feel very dependent on him. And I hate it. I feel rebelious. Does that make since?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:03pm
Well, as I stated in post 4, I'm getting my name on the title of the house. I'm also going to have both cars put in both our names. Right now, he owns one, I own the other. I'm also never opeing an account inmy name only again, unless I'm the only one that has access to it. I'm just fuming right not. I feel like kicking something!! Wait I already did..., my own butt.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:08pm
Well, if you're in a community property state - his name solely on the home, particularly if he purchased it proir to marriage - makes it HIS. I know, I live in a community property state.

I just refuse to believe that everything else is fine....I could be cynical and wrong and I hope so.

But it just seems there isn't much honest communication going on at all.

It sounds like you were so all fired anxious to get married - that you divested yourself of your house, you put all your money into paying his bills, you've worked your tail off to support the monthly requirements.....and now that he's got the settlement check ather than you two sit down and do the allocation of pyaments - he's gone and paid off what he wanted to pay, what would be advantageous for hiim to pay - and now there is issues such as this cell phone that have you realizing "hey, I've divested myself of my funds, I have no more assets, my credit is ruined." I guess that's my point - this didn't happen overnight, it's been a slow attrition slide.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:11pm
Make an appointment for a consultation with an attorney today. You do have a spending problem - HIM. This didn't happen just because he lost his job. It really sounds like he set you up. Has he even looked for a job these past two years? Also, stop paying on the mortgage. The house does not belong to you - it's not "our" mortgage - it's his alone. Tell him you won't make payments until you are on the title. If the house forecloses, you'll have lost only the payments you've made, he'll lose the equity and his "good credit". Stop paying for his cell phone. Don't give him any money. Cut off the in-laws. Use your money to pay off your creditors. It's quite obvious that he has deceived you, and you must do what you can to get your good credit back.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:26pm
OK. My H just called me back. He got me a phone, in his name (all on his own, I haven't spoken to him until now). He had to sign a 2 year contract, etc. But he didn' care. I also told him I wanted my name on the house. He said, "no problem. We'll take care of it ASAP". So, I'm feeling a little better about his intentions. I guess I made him out to be a monster when it was my pride that's been bruised mroe than anything. He's a good man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:31pm
Hon.....I want to point something out.

This guy to the creditors was using you as a scapegoat and a whipping post. You didn't find that out by his open admission, either.

So please.....don't take whatever he says as carte blanche facts and truth just because it's what you want and need to hear to make yourself feel better.

He easily could have put the phone in your name, paid the $200 - and is telling you it's in his name. So please, ask to see the contract.

And as for the house deed......sit back for 2-3 days after going home tonight and specficallly saying how important it is to you to get that taken care of ASAP. He's a man without a job....if he really is on the up and up, there is nothing stopping him on Monday from going down and getting it taken care of. But something tells me if you don't say anything - you'd see 10 years worth of Monday's without it being done.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:35pm
Hmmmm. Now that I've read your other replies, your situation sounds a little better. But, I hope he means what he promises. If he doesn't come through fast on the house, cars, etc., I'd start playing hard ball. It seems strange that all this time you haven't been protected financially when you've been paying all the bills - including his family. And is he looking for a job?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 2:41pm
I understand your point, and it's well taken, believe me. And my H did tell me that he had told the creditors that I had a spending problem...he said he did that to get sympathy from them so they'd settle for less money. I was mad that he did that, because I had been honest the whole time with them. I just didn't see the need to lie about it. I suppose his pride matter more than the truth. He didin't want to addmit it was he who had been with out a job and had caused our finacial strain. That really bugs me, but to hear my H say it, all he was thinking about was paying the least amount possible, and who cares waht the creditors think about either of us. I don't know. I do know that I'm going to do what I can to try and salvage some of this mess. I will insist that WE go to the mortgage company or whomever first thing Monday morning. I'm not going to wait around and test him. It need to be done.

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