I'm too quiet?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
I'm too quiet?
8
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 12:20pm
My boyfriend complains often that I am "too quiet." He says I go through silent periods where I do not talk at all and that it leaves him confused about how I feel or what I am thinking. This bothers and frustrates him a lot. It will get to him so badly that he lashes out angrily at me because he has been so frustrated by my silence. I however am far less aware of when I am quiet and for how long I am quiet. It seems much longer to him obviously. Usually nothing is wrong at all .... but I guess he assumes something is wrong with me and I am not communicating this to him .... so he ends up upset and I have no idea because I have been fine or unaware all along ..... I have no idea what to do. Being told by a frustrated man that I am too quiet does not inspire me to start talking on and on about my innermost thoughts and feelings. I'm frustrated and don't know what to do. Am I really at fault? Is it just my nature to be quiet sometimes? How do we communicate better before his frustrations with me just continue to get worse and worse? :(


 


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 12:31pm
You are probably just more introverted them him. If he can't accept that as part of your personality and if you are with a guy who
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 12:35pm

I agree with gina. You're not at fault, you're just someone who doesn't want to talk all the time. I can even understand where your boyfriend's frustration comes from; I'm an expressive person who likes to interact often and my boyfriend can go a long time without saying anything. But instead of getting mad at him or thinking something's wrong with him, I've learned that when he's quiet he's just content. It doesn't bother me at all, and that shouldn't have to ruin a relationship between two ACCEPTING people.

This is a bad match if he can't accept you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 1:03pm

Welcome to the board iv_aingeal,


Since he's upset by your silence, he's the one with the problem really.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 1:11pm
You cant be bullied into being chatty.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 1:14pm
I may be a little more introverted than my boyfriend. He has his quiet times too though, especially when something big is bothering him. He is very accepting of me usually and I am of him too. However, this "you're too quiet" complaint does keep coming up over and over again. We have a really good relationship otherwise. We are trusting and supportive of each other. I think we love each other very well and are a good match. This problem gets me down though. It's very frustrating. I don't like being told that "I" have a "communication problem" especially if it may just be my personality. And if it is "his problem" not mine I do not know what to do in these situations to keep them from becoming huge problems.


 


Daisypath Anniversary Years Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 3:58pm

I'm going to have to disagree with my fellow board mates here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 4:10pm
I do agree with iv_aingeal that his approach is terrible and if someone tried to get me to open up to him by "lashing out in anger" the tactic would make me want to retreat even further.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 09-06-2008 - 4:12pm
I think being uncommunicative is different than being quite. Uncommunicative is usually not answering a question or sharing a feeling when asked about it.




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