im worried and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-28-2004
im worried and confused
3
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 12:28am
ok this is gonna be a duzy.. so brace yourselves...ok it all started yseterday when i told my bf to (pick up his shirts fromthe front room) thats all i said.. i didnt say jump off a building or try to smell your own butt.. ok anyways.. its not hard to do that task.. really.. its not. he didnt end up doing it.. lately ive been feeling icky and i told him that i "think" im pregnant ok? so.. then he proceeds to tell me that we need to have a serious talk about our realtionship.. after ...AFTER... i told him this. ok. now. h=i feel like he doesnt appreciate me for what i do for him.. i do his laundery i pick up after his messes.. he comes home adn brings food for himself and doesnt offer me any.. rude? he doesnt tell me he appreciates me for doing his laundry or clean after him.. he tells me i need to trust him beacues i get maad at him because he goes out with his freinds .. but he doesnt have time to go somewhere with me.. i just dont get it.. i love this man to death.. i really would be just crushed if i lost him. maybe i something bad needs to happen to me for him to realize what he has instead of just keeping me there to clean.. like a maid? ok im really confused.. i love him very much and wqould hate to lose him.. please help me out.. a.s.a.p!!!!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 12:52pm

Have you ever tried to communicate these feelings to him? And have you had examples of what he can do to make things better available? For instance, ratehr than complain that he never picks up, ask him calmly to please pick up the (fill in the blank), or please water the grass, take out the garbage and mow the lawn .


It seems like he has taken advantage of you. You may get angry and threaten to leave, or make other comments, but you never follow through. If you did, you wouldnt be with this jerk anymore. The next time he mistakes you for his doormat, pack your things and go stay with a freind or relative for a couple days..making sure that you dont pick up

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 6:01pm
So he has a maid, a cook, a housekeeper, someone to have sex with, doesn't have time to go out with you but has time to go out with his friends, and wants you to "trust" him, now that he thinks you might be preg, he wants to talk about the relationship. Hon, the relationship is completely on his terms, convenient to him, and he doesn't have to put in any effort at all. You love him, I heard that, but may I ask what you love, admire and respect about him?


Carrie

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 07-29-2004 - 6:51pm

Firstly, are you pregnant? This is a big deal. Find out. You need to have the proper care and attention.


Secondly, it sounds as if you are behaving in a way that is not respectful to yourself in the relationship. Your function is not to be his maid, pick up after him , etc. A good relationship consists of two equals who give to one another equally, share food, love, time, friends and activities. He is treating you badly, and you have been accepting this poor treatment. I suggest you find yourself a good therapist or counsellor and work on your self esteem. You need to feel better about yourself and get help in setting appropriate boundaries and expectations for your relationship. Everything doesn't go. Each person in a situation has needs, feelings and desires. Both must be respected, or else things go from bad to worse.


Take good care.