You feel sorry for him I guess. He may intellectually know that he wants you in his life but his ways, his habits, his dysfunctions, his alcoholism will prevent any real connection to be made.
I'm not surprised at his reaction at all. This is one of those responses that is very typical of men specifically... But also one that you should take very seriously because it is extremely rare that a man will say it to you without truly meaning it.
He's actually even more honest than most other men I've heard when they give this explanation. So I guess there's absolutely no room to misinterpret what he said, he was as straightforward as possible.
He's not boyfriend material and that's his problem, you didn't do anything wrong and maybe you were misled but thankfully in the end he was honest with you. You're understandably upset, that really sucks. It sounds as though he really did put in efforts, sometimes, to be good to you but that he just wasn't up to the task.
I hope you don't feel as though the problem of him being open and communicative is because of you, or because you failed in some way. He's just not at the right point in his life to consider a relationship at all, every relationship he tries at will fail until he works on himself individually.
Good luck, you will find someone who deserves you.
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Edited 7/1/2008 12:07 pm ET by sunnyseas
It seems like you have a lot of expectations from a relationship that is only 2 months old.
Releasing emotional enmeshment with a person isn't easy to overcome without the right tools.
Other resources:
How to Get Over Your Breakup - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21181.1
Relationship Grieving Process - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=22985.1
Zen of Doing Nothing - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=21173.1
No Contact (NC) Tips - http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=25394.1
Edited 7/1/2008 11:03 am ET by sunnyseas
I'm not surprised at his reaction at all. This is one of those responses that is very typical of men specifically... But also one that you should take very seriously because it is extremely rare that a man will say it to you without truly meaning it.
He's actually even more honest than most other men I've heard when they give this explanation. So I guess there's absolutely no room to misinterpret what he said, he was as straightforward as possible.
He's not boyfriend material and that's his problem, you didn't do anything wrong and maybe you were misled but thankfully in the end he was honest with you. You're understandably upset, that really sucks. It sounds as though he really did put in efforts, sometimes, to be good to you but that he just wasn't up to the task.
I hope you don't feel as though the problem of him being open and communicative is because of you, or because you failed in some way. He's just not at the right point in his life to consider a relationship at all, every relationship he tries at will fail until he works on himself individually.
Good luck, you will find someone who deserves you.
You know what - two months is a very short time to be 'in love' - I don't doubt that you were infatuated with him (and he you)
I'm sorry that things didn't turn out like you wanted, but he gave you a huge gift - his honesty.
It is very easy to get caught up in the "He wants me!
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