The impetus for a lasting change...
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| Tue, 10-09-2007 - 1:49am |
My wife and I are separating after nearly ten years of marriage and I will be leaving tomorrow for my new residence. We are both amicable and handling this in a mature fashion. The separation agreement was not filed in court...we simply visited a lawyer and signed with him. We agreed on custody and we are actually communicating and interacting better now than we have in quite some time. I will see the kids nearly every day and we have agreed that I can stay in the house one day a week. I have seen, heard and felt instances which gave me a glimmer of hope on several occasions over the last couple weeks. I feel it is also important to acknowledge that I have absorbed a share of ominous statements and signs as well. Nonetheless, I am utterly driven to work on the issues with every opportunity. It's amazing how the prospect of losing everything can inundate you and propel you to do take the necessary steps to ensure that your issues and baggage are left behind, never to surface again. I have a tremendous desire to give my life to God each day and support my family at any cost, under any circumstance. Further, I have set up a support system of close friends, with like minded interests, and have decided to invariably distance myself from the negative influences in my life. I have taken steps to make certain close neighbors and family members support and ensure the safety of my wife and children on an ongoing basis. My wife, my therapist and friends have stated that I am handling this differently than they would have imagined. I can honestly tell you that I have been equally as surprised. I have always rebuffed stress, conflict and crisis by suppressing my feelings in some cases and lamenting in others...both of which fail to address the issues at hand and perpetuate a vicious cycle of complacency. Instead, I am suddenly spinning EVERY negative thought into its positive counterpart and, as a result, the confidence, the self-esteem and the unrelenting desire to make a permanent change is both heartening and tangible. This is a clarity the likes of which I have never experienced and, granted, while this is without question the most difficult time in my life, the challenge ahead is not only clear and intelligible...it is welcome.
If you have a moment, I would like to solicit your advice on the "little things" I can do along the way to show that my desire to change is genuine and unwavering. I have all the "big" things covered...giving myself to God, providing unconditional love and support to the family, giving the necessary space and time, not applying pressure or guilt under any circumstance and remaining steadfast with my personal progress and the responsibilities with regard to my career.
Thank you for you time.
Edited 10/9/2007 7:51 am ET by good_fella

Hello =)
Firstly, I'd like to commend you on the way you're handling this, it is no easy task to choose to introspect objectively and take personal responsibility; it is far easier to throw a self inflicted pity party, point fingers and place blame on others as so many do. You will be a changed man for the better having learned incalculable lessons in addition to
Welcome to the board good_fella:
I think if you continue with the big things, that the little things will take care of themselves.
The things you do for your personal progress, will reflect in every aspect of your life.