Influenced too much by friends?
Find a Conversation
Influenced too much by friends?
| Sun, 03-07-2004 - 7:34pm |
I've posted here before on trust issues but now I have another question. Has anyone ever dated a man that is heavily influenced by his friends? Were you able to work through it? I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 28 we have been together for over 3 years and have had our differences. Over the past years, things have been pretty good. Why? Well, one of his bestfriends that has a lot of influence over him has had a girlfriend. About 3 weeks ago, they broke up, and now I feel like I've lost my boyfriend too. Two weekends ago he went out of town, and didn't want me to go because he wanted to be with his friends (this is where his bestfriend lives) and I posted about this as well. This weekend he AGAIN went out of town, and AGAIN didn't want me to go. He had made plans with me to rent a hotel (I live at home and my mom is an alcoholic and she's been drinking a lot recently, and i needed to get out of the house atleast for a night) but then he told me he 'had the opportunity to go out of town, so he took it'. I asked if I could go and he said he would just see me when he got back. He completely broke our plans to go there. I talked to him earlier today and he said he was leaving at 4 to be back in town at 6pm, but he didn't make it until now- 7:30. So he calls and his bestfriend came into town also (his bestfriend is originally from here, and he stays with his parents when he's in town) and now my boyfriend is going to the bar with him to watch basketball and isn't going to come over until 10. I asked if I could meet him there, and he said he would just see me when he got to my house. Is there any way to work through this? I'm planning on moving out of my house between May and July and I'm not going to depend on him for anything, and I feel like if we are going to break up then we need to break up now so I can get my life together on my own. We have a great relationship when his friend isn't single, and I want to work our relationship out if we can, but I don't want to live like THIS anymore. These ups and downs are killing me inside and he's not a good communicator at all- he always clams up. Any advice on what I should say to him, or how I should go about working this out, or breaking up? I'm so lost, I don't know what to do. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

I'm not saying that your situation is exactly the same...maybe he's just trying to be there for his friend since his buddy is going through a "break up"...in the meantime you should spend more time w/ your friends and just keep yourself busy w/ other things. Be more independent. But if you see a pattern and it's obvious that he makes no effort to spend time w/ you but is always available for his friends, then talk about your feelings w/ him ( you said that he doesn't like to talk about about your issues--just have him listen while you explain your feelings, then give him time to think about what you said without the pressure of compromise)-and he still spends more time w/ his friends then w/ you, then you need to re-evaluate the relationship. A relationship requires work--do you want to stay w/ someone who isn't putting as much effort as you? Sorry if this isn't much advice, but you know you're worth and shouldn't put up w/ someone who doesn't want to consider your feelings.
Well, three things struck me about your post:
1.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
Tiffany