Insecurities Might Ruin Everything!
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Insecurities Might Ruin Everything!
| Thu, 03-08-2007 - 11:43am |
I'll try to make this as short and sweet as possible. My ex-fiance and I were to be married last summer, but I stupidly cheated on him right before and he ended it. I tried coming back to him in the fall and he would have none of it. Recently, he e-mailed me and we ended up dating again. We are really trying to make things work because we love each other and I really believe that things can work. I realize that I made a mistake and it will take a lot of time to rebuild everything, but it is worth it to me. We had some problems before the cheating incident, he talked to his ex-girlfriend a few times and I found out about it and was not happy. We talked about that this time around and he apologized and said he didn't know why he just didn't tell me. He told me that he considers her his friend and they went out a couple of times as friends in between the seven month span that him and I were together and nothing was there. I believe him because if something were there, he would not be coming back to me, especially since his family disapproves of me (which I don't blame them). Anyway, I believe him with that, but as we are getting stronger, I am getting scared. I have a lot of trust issues which date back to my father cheating on my mother and whenever things go good for me, I tend to mess them up. Jeff (my ex) is even moving next month so he won't have a roommate anymore and we will be able to have privacy, so I know he is serious about this. Today I am just very insecure. We were talking last night and he went to bed at 10:30 because he had a meeting early this morning. As I was going to bed, I put it in my head that he was really at the bar, so I had a dream about it and it has been lingering with me all morning. I feel completely stupid because I know it's ME and I do not want this to put kinks in our relationship. I want to be a confident woman and I want him to see this. How can I get over my insecurites? Just trust him until he shows me otherwise? Thanks for the advice in advance.

When you start to think things like he isn't sleeping he is at the bar tell yourself that you know that isn't true and push those thoughts out of your head. It is important if you are going to make the relationship work this go around that you work on the issues that caused your first break up. If you don't, you will end up with the same result this time around.
Has he forgiven you for the cheating? If not, you want to consider couples counseling.
Good luck to you and please feel free to post on the board anytime.
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Hi kiwibubblebutt - most people cannot rebuild trust after a betrayal without professional help.