Insecurities tearing us apart

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Insecurities tearing us apart
4
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 4:54am

I have big issues with porn and nudity don't get me wrong I am not a prude I love sex and all the goodies that go with it just not porn or any other people being involved . I was in a abusive relationship for alot of my younger years I am 38 now I divorced and am now with a 22 yr old guy who was a virgin when we met here is my problem I am insanely jealous not over women in general but the one on TV Movies.ect..I know it sounds weird I am very insecure I feel I am in some way not worthy of him or that since I was his first he will want to try and find something better ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 12:05pm

Welcome to the board mrsshorty1,


Here's some self-help books to consider:


Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse


How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Branden


The Aladdin Factor, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 3:38pm

Insecurities only get resolved by the person who owns them - in this case that would be you.


If you could work through some of your past it might free you from these feelings. Did you have these feelings at all before your abusive relationship?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 4:16pm

Firstly, you really do have to work on these insecurities. They're strong and have nothing to do with him and also have nothing to do with love - just fear and possessiveness. It's natural for all men to look at and appreciate other women. What they do about it is something else. But if you try to stifle his natural urges sooner or later he will begin to feel suffocated and distressed. Also, you are in a relationship with a considerably younger man and this must enhance your fear about his finding someone else. He is quite and you have to face the fact that it is certainly a possibility that he will want to go forward in life and have other experiences. Go get help with the way you feel about yourself. It's important and will benefit you in the long run.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 8:42pm

I met my ex husband at 15 and I already had insecurities I know alot of it is just feeling not good enough and feeling like everyone I love is going to leave me (my dad died 10 days before my 12th bday) I didnt have any real relationships before my husband so I can only feel that it is coming from a fear of him leaving me . as for my ex comparing me well no and yes he didnt eyeball women his ideal woman cooked cleaned and took great care of her family and I was all that in his eyes the women on movies ect.. were too high maintence for him as what he said so I wasnt as jelouse with him but we separated before we divorced and he bragged about being with someone with implants ? wether it was true or not he knew just where to hurt me I guess I