Insecurity

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2008
Insecurity
4
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 10:07pm

Hi,

I was hoping I could get some advice/guidance on a problem I've been having. I'm insecure in my relationship. It really has nothing to do with my boyfriend of 10 months. He's awesome! Very supportive and understanding. We are however, in a long distance relationship. He is a student at a university 4 hours away from home, and I live at home and work. We are the same age (21). I find myself worrying all the time that he is going to find someone smarter/funnier/ more interesting than me and break my heart. I'm afraid to plan too far ahead into the future for us, because I really don't want to get hurt or disappointed. He's never given me any reason to distrust him, and he has expressed to me that he wants our relationship to last, and that he loves me. I'm not sure what is causing my insecurity, but I know if I let it continue it could damage our relationship, and I would be anything to prevent that. Any suggestions you may have would be very greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: shan_87
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:16pm

Welcome to the board shan_87,


Consider working on your self-esteem. Here's some reading material to consider:


If This Is Love Why Do I Feel So Insecure? by Carl G. Hindy


Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse


How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
In reply to: shan_87
Tue, 09-30-2008 - 11:55pm

It's one thing to be insecure and keep it to yourself, it's quite another to express it to your partner in the form of badgering fidelity questions or accusations.

What is the worst thing that can happen in your relationship, your worst fear? That he leaves you for someone else? How exactly can you stop that from happening? By putting aside your unwarranted fear and being the best partner that you can be. If you take counsel of your fears you end up creating the exact situation you wish to avoid.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
In reply to: shan_87
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 1:32am

Shan, I agree with the advice you've received so far.


But I wanted to add one thing:

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: shan_87
Wed, 10-01-2008 - 2:07am

I can understand your apprehension. The two of you are still young.