insecurity is getting the best of me

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2004
insecurity is getting the best of me
1
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:28pm
My boyfriend and i used to get along really well in the beginning. It was all smiles and fun. Once we put the real "title" on it, i started thinking about all of the what if's. He lives in Long Island and i live in upstat NY so i always worry about what he's doing and i let it get to me. It also doesn't help that he has a lot of female friends and has all sorts of people just stopping by his house at all times of the day. He also looks at pornagraphic material which depresses me because i get that feeling that he wants those kind of girls. not someone who looks like me. He tries to reassure me that he likes me and the way i look, but half the time his way of telling me so is to tell me not to be stupid. Then today, he had a girl stop by to fill out an application for the firedepartment where he lives and is a lieutennant. She filled it out at his house and i asked him why, don't they do that at the fire house? He said yes and snapped at me and asked me what does it matter. I just don't know if it is my insecurity getting the better of me or is there something he's hiding from me? What do i do? If i don't figure it all out soon i may lose someone that i hold very dear to me. I cry atleast once a day because i think i'm not pretty enough to keep him by my side. do you think that if i were more secure with myself that i wouldn't have these feelings that he is not being completely honest with me? Please help me!
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 4:55pm
It could be that your insecurity is the reason that you are questioning him so much, but still I don't think that he should snap at you (unless you are continuely questioning him). But, also my mom always said that we usually have "gut feelings" about things and that the feelings are usually right. There is really no way for us to tell you if it is your insecurity or him cheating for sure. But it wouldn't hurt for you to work on yourself and to start feeling better about yourself and see if it has any impact on your relationship. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Fri, 09-24-2004 - 5:15pm
hello, well i am on the same boat as you... my boyfriend has girls calling him but they are all friends (from what he says)... yeah i am insecure at times... but think about they way you guys are towards each other and they way he trats you... i think about all the times he calls me and all the times we spend together. just relax and make sure that he shows you emotions. communiction is the key too. tell him what bothers you, explain and don't try to argue. if he gets offensive let him know that you are not trying to bother him but that you are trying to communicate with him. trust me girl i am still trying to cope with my insecurities. just try to think good and keep yourself occupied. i am pretty sure are good looking and he likes your qualities...... sit with him and talk to him. ( i just did that a week ago) ask him what he likes about the relationship, what he likes about you and about "us". i also told him to tell me what were the bad things. we spoke and we are doing alittle better. we have to give it time and patients lotss of it too. if you want write back and let me know. ok... GOOD LUCK!!!!