Insecurity a reason to walk away?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2004
Insecurity a reason to walk away?
2
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 3:11am
Okay first off I want to introduce myself, Im Esmeralda 22 years old Live in San Diego Ca. My boyfriend is 21. We have been together for a while almost a year and things started off really good.. We started off as friends and hung out and I could have sworn nothing was ever going to happen beyond plotonic with him. I have never lied to him, or cheated or hid anything from him. I've always been really honest whenever I would go out with my female friend(best friend) and her man and he would even come and hang out with us sometimes. The thing is recently for about the last 4-5 months, he's just been getting really really crazy with things. He's always accusing me of lying to him and cheating and being with like 20 other guys.. And I usually end up putting up with his accusations for so long before i hang up on him and he ends up calling back and calling back. He's goptten to the point where if I'm at my friends house he'll call me there and leave messages on her answering machine for me to call him back.. Sometimes If he really really starts thinking that somethings going on he'll get so mad that he will leave messages on my cell phone being buligerant, and insulting me and then I'll call him back and tell him where he was wrong and he'll end up crying and say he's sorry that he was just trippin and that he knows where he went wrong. The thing is I LOVE HIM! and I KNOW he loves me just sometimes i think his insecurity about himself prevents him from seeing how much I love him.. Is there anyone out there that can tell me what I can/should do about this. I mean I want this relatiomship to work, but I need things to change before I completly go insane. I know its not healthly to be with someone that is constantly stressing you out. And that is what his accusations do most of the time. Please someone tell me what i can do either for myself, or to prove to him how much I love him and he has nothing to worry about. Thank you.. Esmeralda
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 6:24am

this is not "insecurity about himself" at all! this is the first signs of a very very jealous, controlling, and abusive nature. please do yourself a BIG favor = and get yourself some help to LEAVE HIM IMMEDIATELY. this is very unhealthy and could be dangerous as well. I am posting the link for domestic abuse - please go there and go to the links and get some help for yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 02-01-2004 - 9:04am
He's not just insecure he is abusive and there is a part of you that likes all the control (were your parents controlling?) his jealousy is not a sign of love but insecurity. Make sure to get away from this person ASAP and one way to prevent getting involved with someone like this again is to either finish your college education or go to grad school, and when you are financially independent in a stable career you will be less likely to be attracted to controlling men because you will know that you are your own person.