Integrity
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Integrity
| Tue, 11-27-2007 - 1:56am |
I've been married for three years and I keep running into the same issue - the man is low on integrity. I catch him lying to me, some big lies, some little. One time he told me he bought a car on ebay "by accident". He spent $4000 of our house money on his daughter's tuition. He told me a Netflicks movie was a drama when really it was a porn flick. He does things like buy a child's ticket to the movies for a 14 year old. He finds a reason not to pay for something even though he owes for it. But it's not every day, just every once in a while. He's great otherwise; treats me like an angel. How do I deal with his dishonesty?

Welcome to the board blacksheep8,
Can you continue to be married to him if he doesn't change his ways? Have you called him out about his lies? The fact is that he isn't going to change unless he wants to and unless he sees something wrong with his actions.
glitter-graphics.com
glitter-graphics.com
It's either a deal-breaker for you, or it's not. It's never a good idea to marry someone with a "BUT..." about his personality. When you marry someone you accept them for who they are, good and bad. It's an assumption that even the bad things about them are acceptable to you. You have officially accepted him for his lack of integrity. But... emotionally, you haven't.
It's not really fair to suddenly come up with a deal-breaker after you're married. You knew he was like this and you married him anyway. While I really empathize with you... This is the man you chose. If you want to deal with this, and I suggest you do, you need to tell him that his little lies and deceit are not acceptable to you. But, you should understand that he has every right to say "you already knew this about me, I'm not going to change". At that point, you have to be willing to either accept him or leave. Everyone has little things that need to be put up with, but I admit that being a person of integrity is extremely important. If you want a man who has this quality then next time, you need to choose one.
FLAW?