Interracial fight about racism, Advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Interracial fight about racism, Advice?
2
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 11:44am
Not sure if that is the correct title but here is my situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year and a half. He is from South Korea and came to Canada when he was very young and got his citizenship. I am born and raised Canadian. We are going to go into the States next week and he found out two weeks ago that he lost his citizenship card. He has a passport but it is over 10 year old. Long story short two weeks is not enough time to get a copy of his citizenship card that he needs. He of course is very upset about the situation and so I am. Now the big problem that we are having is that I think he is being arrogrant, thinks the world should revolve around him and that everyone should drop everything to help him out. The citizenship card usually takes a good 3 to 7 months to get and he is asking to get it in two weeks. He is throwing a fit because he thinks everyone is being racist and that is why no one will help him. He keeps saying that he use to be able to go over the border with just a driver license. I think, Hello the States is in a frickin war they have the right not to just let people come in and out of there country. He is mad at me or it feels like he is because I just need my birth certificate and drivers license to get across. If I lost my birth certificate I would be in the same place he is. I think that he should be happy with all he has and that he was able to come to Canada because I am sure there are millions who would trade him places he disagrees. In World War 2 we threw the Japense into concentration camp even if there were born in Canada. Yes the war did involve them but he should just be happy that we are still allowed to travel and be free. So you need to prove your a Canadian big deal.

Anyways he stormed out of my place last night and avoided my phone call this morning. I don't know what to do. Am I being the unreasonable and the non understanding one? I never thought that we would ever be fighting about racism. Do you think a situation like this can solved if so how?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 11:53am
You're not fighting about racism.

It's possible that everything in this relationship so far that has been sticky, icky, involved problem resolution - you've "taken care of it"...and he has always believed that the world revolved around him and his needs, and because your world did - you didn't see it for what it was.

Now that there is a situation that nothing you could do to resolve, and because you're reasoning thru it logically because nothing you do could change it - you're seeing his "the world revolves around me" attitude and expectation for what it is.....when everything that was a problem was something you could fix, you did it because "your world revolved around him" and his response to that was positive because "that's how it's supposed to be."

Just a thought.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 12:28pm
He's 3 right? Just kidding. But he's acting like it. It has nothing to do with racism. Leave him alone for awhile and let him blow off steam and figure out that he's really not mad at you. He's mad that he can't get his way. Mad that he wasn't prepared. Mad that it appears you have it easier than he does. Mad that he feels less than. Mad that no one will give him what he wants when he wants it (damn it!) and he's behaving like three year old.

Every country has a right to their own rules for the protection of their citizens. And not everyone will like those rules.


Carrie