Interracial Trouble with family...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2005
Interracial Trouble with family...
1
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 3:24pm
Me and my boyfriend started our relationship almost 3 years ago and I was scared to death.I am a white Italian 22 year old woman. I was scared to tell my parents and family because I knew that they would not accept him because he was black. But still, I fell in love with this man because he was the sweetest person and he swept me off my feet. He told me not to worry about my family. In the beginning, my family did have a problem with it. My mother would tell me every chance she got how she didnt think the two of us werent right for eachother not because he was black but because she heard me cry alot and yell in my room. It all went down when we had a huge fight and my mom called him to tell him just how much she hated him and how much she didnt want him with me. But still he had loved me and stayed with me and decided not to let my family interefere with our relationship. He had tried so hard to become accepted and after the fight he had just given up.He had lost all hope in my family.It amazed me how he still could love me knowing how my family had treated him. After that, my mother tried to reconcile with him and he accepted. It was never the same though. It was always on my mind that they hated eachother and I felt like he was trying to be kind for my sake. I loved him for that. He comes to my house now, and he tells me he is uncomfortable. He tells me he feels more comfortable in his best friends house than mine. He doesnt know how much this hurts me inside to know that my family is causing him pain. He has since neglected to come to any events or holidays with me and my family and it is very difficult to explain this to family members because they always say.. Wheres your boyfriend? And i simply say.. hes working to cover for him. I started to wonder whether or not this is going to be like this for the rest of my life? He explains to me that he has his family and I have mine. He only has his mother and his sister really and he wouldnt want to leave them on holidays and so forth. He tells me he doesnt understand why its so important to me why I need family. I am Italian and we are around family a lot. Ive talked to my mother til i was blue in the face and she says she tries to be nice to him now, but he seems so distant. He is distant because he is hurt. It hasnt been a great long road to where we are now. We had fights and we made sacrifices to be with each other. We have laughed together, fought with eachother and been each others rock's. He has been my hero in many situations but lately I see him drift further and further away from me. I do not blame him for his anger because if my family would have accepted him from the start, things might have been different.You see, I cannot give up my family or look down on them for their beliefs, it is who they are. It may not be right of them to think that way but I still have to accept them for who they are because family is family and you cannot lose your family ever. I love this man and dont want to be without him, but apart of me is saying.. Im 22.. hes 23.. we have been together for almost 3 years.. and if we get married in the next 5 years.. will it change? I believe my answer is no. But how can I leave this man after almost 3 years for my family? I cant do it.. what should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Sat, 06-23-2007 - 9:41pm

Welcome to the board jussy8803,


::what should I do?


::But how can I leave this man after almost 3 years for my family? I cant do it..


You answered your own question....


It's sad that the convictions you held at the beginning of the relationship - to not let family come between you - has now happened.