Intimidated by a successful man...what to do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2014
Intimidated by a successful man...what to do?
12
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 7:08pm

Hi... I am in serious need of advice.

I just started dating an exceptionally accomplished man.  He is wealthy, smart and articulate.  On top of it all, he is a really nice person.

Here is my issue.... even though I am a successful, professional woman, I feel SOOO intimidated by him.  It is plaguing me and making me question how I act and look, whether I am appropriate, rich enough, etc.  Please note... he knows that I do not have what he does and never makes a point to boast or anything of that nature.  Still, though, I feel inadequate and I hate the feeling.  I am never prone to low self esteem and, frankly, this is the first time that I have dated a man whom I actually admired.

Is it wrong to playfully tell him that I am intimidated by him?  I am looking for any way to put myself at ease.  I am hoping that he will respond with something that allows me some relief! 

Thanks in advance for any advice!

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2010
Sun, 01-05-2014 - 11:37pm

Try to think as a man does here. (This is from a 50 year old man.) Remember that it is only a recent phenomenon for women to have careers. He really doesn't care whether or not you're equal to him careerwise. He is just glad you aren't a golddigger and can keep yourself constructively occupied when he is busy with his work. As long as your career provides these functions and he is happy with you in bed, he will likely be content with you!!! Don't get caught up with unnecessary worries.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013

If he wanted to date some who was his equal financially, I'm sure he could find a way. Obviously, this is not a must-have on his list of things he needs to date a woman. No, I wouldn't tell him you're intimidated. Start training your brain to think more positively. Positive self talk takes practice. Say to yourself that any man would be lucky to have you. You're caring, attractive and have a high work ethic, etc. He likes you exactly how you are, so don't put on a facade. He'll get tired of a plastic barbie doll if that's what you turn yourself into. I was the breadwinner in my first marriage and I'm the breadwinner in my second marriage. I like a man with a high work ethic, but I never had the goal of dating someone who makes more money than me. When I was single after my divorce, I dated many men who did very well financially. None of them lasted past a very brief dating period. They were not worthy of me. The man who I eventually met who was worthy of me is now my husband. He pays a lot of attention to me, cares for me when I'm sick, does a great share of the housework and yardwork, and meets all of my main needs. He didn't need to make the same amount as me or more to be "the one." This man probably feels the same. Over time you'll become more comfortable with him if you keep up the positive self talk. Good luck.

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