is it him or am i over-reacting????

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
is it him or am i over-reacting????
5
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 11:33pm

Hello everyone. Nice to meet all of you here. I had some questions about my relationship.
I've been good friends with this guy for a year and have been dating him for 3-4 months.
He calls when he says he will, he takes my thoughts into consideration on most things, he takes me out on a date once a week, he got me a rose for our 4-month dating anniversary and nice things for my birthday, he constantly talks about marriage and saving up for a ring for me, plus he's EXTREMELY loving and affectionate and CONSTANTLY tells me how beautiful and sexy I am. Plus the lovemaking is great most times. From the outside, it would seem like I had it made. But here's the kicker. He doesn't always spend the whole weekend with me, only stays with me a few nights a week, and bitches about having to spend time with me sometimes. He says he likes time to himself sometimes and that he doesn't feel like spending every single day with me. We are both in college and he is 24, I am 26 (though many people say I look like I'm only 20). Sometimes I start to get worried that maybe he is seeing someone else. But he keeps assuring me that that's not the case. It's not that I don't trust him. I DO. I just feel like he's pulling away from me sometimes and I don't know why.

He says to me sometimes "being with you stresses me out. I'm always worried about all the things I have to do in order for us to get married. I got to save up for a ring for you, we got to figure out where to live and when to get married. I got my student loans to pay off. I'm worried about if things don't work out between us or if you meet someone else someday". And he still lives at home with his parents. He's always saying (after spending some time with me) that he needs to go home to eat what his mom cooked, or lift weights, or other various "things". Just this past weekend when I was over at his house, he said he had to go inquire about this job (acting as if it was a solo activity). I offered to go with him but then he ended up not going. It seemed a little fishy to me. But who knows.
And yes, we've had some minor spats and arguments from time to time and almost broke up a couple of times but in the end, we've always decided to stay together, for better or for worse.

However, should I be concerned about about anything in my relationship so far or do I just need to give it more time to develope fully or what? Any and all advice welcome. Thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Mon, 10-06-2008 - 11:53pm
I read your post several times and can't figure out what you are overreacting TO. Is it the fact that he likes to have some time to himself? I don't understand.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 5:39am

To be honest, you do sound a bit clingy and this could be why he bitches about spending lots of time with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2008
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 8:42am

I agree with truebluestine, I think you should give your BF some space.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2005
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 8:50am
If I understand your message correctly - you've only been dating 3 or 4 months, is that right? For such a short relationship it sounds like things have progressed rather rapidly. Your BF is feeling smothered and I think if you keep demanding his time you'll see him push you away even more. Why is he so stressed about buying a ring so early in the relationship? I think you both need to relax a bit. Let him have time to himself. I don't think you trust him as much as you say you do. You doubt him. You question what he does with his time when he's not with you. Your behavior will push him away. He has told you he needs time, let him have it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 10-07-2008 - 2:08pm

Welcome to the board hippy1foru,


While you have been friends for a year, you've only been dating for 3-4 months and that's a really short time to have all the pressure of saving for a ring, planning a wedding etc.