I would love to believe that the other side, the more realistic side, of those incidents are what is real and true. The "daddy" thing I only say I think is normal because of porn I've seen and I've heard other people say similar things on television and movies that were not so inappropriate. Talking to me like I'm a little girl makes me think that's what he's thinking... Um, getting into his fantasy seems like it would provide some answers (a little scary) but I wouldn't know how to go about doing it.
I sometimes do have a hard time determining between normal/abnormal - like I said especially with men and their interaction with children. I have done some counseling and even taken an antidepressant - I would say it gave me a push-start. Most of what has helped me heal has been a lot of soul-searching and a lot of reading on metaphysics and all that. Deep breaths, stretches, smiles, apples, oranges, excersize, and loving others and learning how to be non-judgmental... I'm still learning.
I know I don't have to prove he's a pedophile. I also know that I absolutely have things I need to work on and fix - thing is, I'm in love with him and if this is all just in my head or even if there's a problem that CAN be talked about and worked out - I'd rather not throw this relationship in the garbage. So far, besides this whole crazy thing, he's been amazing. We've been so great for each other.
But I will tell you, in case you're worried, I will not ever justify his behavior and stay with him if it gets to the point where what's going on is undeniably inappropriate. My adopted mother did that to all of her children and I despise that quality in a woman.
None of what you said gave me any warning bells, to be honest I didn't see a problem except you jumping to some odd conclusions until you said you'd been molested as a child and then it was, "Oooooooh, that's why." It does seem you are coloring your world with that. which, while understandable considering what you've gone through, doesn't mean you have to continue to live like that, nor subject others to unwarranted scrutiny. You'll mess up your whole world that way.
The sister: I think that one was about her.
The sex thing: Some people do that when they get their pointers from porn. If you're encouraging him to treat you like a young girl, well hello, then I'd say if he sees something works for you and it isn't too over-the-top, he's probably not going to say no. If it bothers you though, and you're still doing it, you probably need to see your counselor about that.
The niece: Kids that age are finicky. I know one who alternately loves me, ignores me, or is afraid of me, depending on her mood.
Offering to help with the child: How sweet. I don't believe he "lied" to you, I believe he reiterated his offer to them. Why didn't he ask you? Does he have to? Maybe he assumed you'd help him anyway, or say, "Yeah, me too." I offer all my prego friends baby sitting service, it's just the thing to say.
I can see why you're thinking this way, but honestly, I believe it's because of what you've gone through and your perceptions are somewhat skewed now, rather than because of anything he's done. At least not from what you've written, which is all I have to go on. Your perceptions are heightened, for sure, but it's so easy to let those run rampant, too. What happened to you as a child is horrible, the child you didn't have any fault in that, but the adult you doesn't have to carry that around anymore. Don't continue the abuse you endured as a child into your future. Take back your life by dealing with this in counseling and learn some tools to help you distinguish regular from alarming.
To be honest, out of all you've written only the "daddy" thing in bed would bother me.
The sister asking about rape?
No pedophile would answer the question honestly so it would be pointless to pursue.
I would love to believe that the other side, the more realistic side, of those incidents are what is real and true. The "daddy" thing I only say I think is normal because of porn I've seen and I've heard other people say similar things on television and movies that were not so inappropriate. Talking to me like I'm a little girl makes me think that's what he's thinking... Um, getting into his fantasy seems like it would provide some answers (a little scary) but I wouldn't know how to go about doing it.
I sometimes do have a hard time determining between normal/abnormal - like I said especially with men and their interaction with children. I have done some counseling and even taken an antidepressant - I would say it gave me a push-start. Most of what has helped me heal has been a lot of soul-searching and a lot of reading on metaphysics and all that. Deep breaths, stretches, smiles, apples, oranges, excersize, and loving others and learning how to be non-judgmental... I'm still learning.
I know I don't have to prove he's a pedophile. I also know that I absolutely have things I need to work on and fix - thing is, I'm in love with him and if this is all just in my head or even if there's a problem that CAN be talked about and worked out - I'd rather not throw this relationship in the garbage. So far, besides this whole crazy thing, he's been amazing. We've been so great for each other.
But I will tell you, in case you're worried, I will not ever justify his behavior and stay with him if it gets to the point where what's going on is undeniably inappropriate. My adopted mother did that to all of her children and I despise that quality in a woman.
In a word, you. Don't take that wrong.
None of what you said gave me any warning bells, to be honest I didn't see a problem except you jumping to some odd conclusions until you said you'd been molested as a child and then it was, "Oooooooh, that's why." It does seem you are coloring your world with that. which, while understandable considering what you've gone through, doesn't mean you have to continue to live like that, nor subject others to unwarranted scrutiny. You'll mess up your whole world that way.
The sister: I think that one was about her.
The sex thing: Some people do that when they get their pointers from porn. If you're encouraging him to treat you like a young girl, well hello, then I'd say if he sees something works for you and it isn't too over-the-top, he's probably not going to say no. If it bothers you though, and you're still doing it, you probably need to see your counselor about that.
The niece: Kids that age are finicky. I know one who alternately loves me, ignores me, or is afraid of me, depending on her mood.
Offering to help with the child: How sweet. I don't believe he "lied" to you, I believe he reiterated his offer to them. Why didn't he ask you? Does he have to? Maybe he assumed you'd help him anyway, or say, "Yeah, me too." I offer all my prego friends baby sitting service, it's just the thing to say.
I can see why you're thinking this way, but honestly, I believe it's because of what you've gone through and your perceptions are somewhat skewed now, rather than because of anything he's done. At least not from what you've written, which is all I have to go on. Your perceptions are heightened, for sure, but it's so easy to let those run rampant, too. What happened to you as a child is horrible, the child you didn't have any fault in that, but the adult you doesn't have to carry that around anymore. Don't continue the abuse you endured as a child into your future. Take back your life by dealing with this in counseling and learn some tools to help you distinguish regular from alarming.
Good luck,
Clearly understand that if you directly accuse him of being a pedophile then he needs to immediately leave you for his own well being.
I had an amazing therapist who helped me immensely to separate what was my stuff and what belonged to others.
Welcome to the board xpollux,
While most of this is you, I just wanted to say a few things. First, does he know you were molested by your 'daddy'?