Is it just ONE lie?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2008
Is it just ONE lie?
7
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 9:42am
I moved in with my boyfriend of 6 years this spring (we are both 22 now). We went through a rough adjustment patch when we first moved in, but now (6 months later), everything is completely wonderful by both of our accounts. Right when we moved in (during the rough period), he went to Canada for the weekend to play poker with some guy friends. When he got back, he seemed like he'd really missed me, and he also immediately wanted to initiate a sexual encounter with me -- so everything seemed fine between us. That day, I asked him (to his face) whether he & his friends had gone to the strip clubs while in Canada, and he said no. (I'm against a guy visiting a strip club if he's in a serious relationship.)

A few weeks ago, he went back to Canada with the same guys for a bachelor party. This time, he told me that they WOULD be going to the strip clubs, and I said it was OK because that's just what you "do" for bachelor parties. Well, the night he left, I happened to find out from my girlfriends (whose boyfriends/fiances were also on the trip) that the guys HAD gone to the strip club that weekend in the spring. So, basically, my guy had lied to my face in the spring & never got up the guts to tell me the truth after then.

I told him how hurt I was. He cried for hours and seemed completely devastated. He told me that he'd lied because he hadn't considered the first visit a big deal. He had been reluctant to enter the club in the first place, and he didn't even touch any of the girls or get a lap dance... but he didn't even want to tell me that he'd GONE because he knew I'd be upset, so he just decided to live with the guilt and never do something like that again without telling me.

He has done everything in his power to be perfect since then. I am not aware of ANY other lies over our 6 years together, and his behavior is in no way EVER suspicious. Can one lie really just be one lie?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: tls33
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 9:51am

Yeah it really can. Humans aren't perfect and sometimes people tell lies in order to keep themselves from getting in unnecessary trouble. Is it great? No. But he didn't want to start an argument and really it doesn't matter if he went to a strip club once. Were you going to break up with him over this?

I find it kind of pathetic that this guy has spent so much time crying and trying to make it up to you, he shouldn't have to do that, it's emasculating and all he needed was a simple apology. And since you trust him and he loves you, why not ease up on your strip club rule? He's obviously faithful to you. I hope you can both let this go, in the grand scheme of life it really is very trivial.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2008
In reply to: tls33
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 10:50am

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: tls33
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 11:38am

Welcome to the board tls33,


From what you have posted it does seem like just this one lie to me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: tls33
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 12:55pm

Welcome to the board tls33,


Yeah, one lie can be one lie especially if he's been trustworthy and never given you any reason to doubt him.


You are entitled to have your opinion about strip clubs, even if you got replies saying it's not big deal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: tls33
Thu, 11-06-2008 - 7:14pm

I dont see it that it could be just one lie - however, you have no proof that he has lied about other things so...you cant make any decisions yet.


I consider any live performance (internet porn, strip clubs, lap dances) to be cheating.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: tls33
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 12:46pm

I really wouldn't make a big deal about this. Yes, it can be just one. You felt it was okay for him to go to the club for the bachelor party, so clearly you are not so totally against it. I realize this is what happens at parties and it's the lie that upset you, but guys feel odd discussing this with their girlfriends. It is possible he was pressured into it. All in all, it most have meant next to nothing to him. So, unless you see any other lies, I would let this go and not allow it to intrude upon a good relationship. There are many bumps and rough patches in the long road in life. It's good to know how to handle them with grace and ease.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
In reply to: tls33
Fri, 11-07-2008 - 12:56pm

<< He has done everything in his power to be perfect since then. I am not aware of ANY other lies over our 6 years together, and his behavior is in no way EVER suspicious. Can one lie really just be one lie?