Is it love?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2008
Is it love?
6
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 5:56pm
I have been friends with this girl since we started working together about a year ago. At least, that's what she claims she wants. So, without knowing this, and thinking something was really there, we went places together, and spent some time outside of work. Eventually, we went to the beach. We had a lot of fun. She was acting like she didn't want to sit close to me, and I couldn't try anything, so I didn't. I tried and tried to hint and all of that, and she just either wouldn't get it or just didn't feel it. Weeks later, after spending more time together, I asked her how she felt. I was given 3 reasons why, none of them had to do with me personally. I left that job a little while later, due to other reasons. So now 2 of those reasons were out, and she wasn't seeing anyone. When I left work, we really started to hit it off, at least it seems like. We hang out a lot, and go places here and there. All in all, I still feel something really deep and strong about her. She is in my opinion, the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and I knew that the moment I laid eyes on her. There's something telling me that I can;t be friends with her if I still feel this way, even after talking with her about it before when we worked together. I've tried everything, and I got nothing. If only she would feel the same way I do, or does she? She seems to really enjoy being my friend, and she told me in a way before that she doesn't see the sparks. What if I still do? And it seems to hurt me more after I get back from hanging out with her. She is older than me, 4 years, and I also think that's blocking something. Is there a way to save this so we are both happy? Or is there still hope?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: gsteve001
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 6:46pm

Welcome to the board gsteve001,


Sounds to me that she's told you how it is for her and because it's not what you want to hear and the depth of your own emotions, you are not accepting the truth.


::If only she would feel the same way I do, or does she? She seems to really enjoy being my friend, and she told me in a way before that she doesn't see the sparks.


No, she doesn't feel the same way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: gsteve001
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 7:00pm

you cant force something that is not there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2008
In reply to: gsteve001
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 7:32pm
I've never really had a loving feeling for a friend before. I know I am attracted to her, but maybe it's the attraction in her that finds me. Perhaps I love her as a friend, and the one thing I do know that's the last thing I want to lose right now. We have fun together, we get along great, and we always tend to have similar occasions. If It's not going to be romantic, can it still be something special? There is of course things I hate about her, but at the same time I love the things that I hate about her...haha it's what makes her unique.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: gsteve001
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 9:52pm

I think that eventually she will grow irritated being in your presence if she does not care for you romantically because she'll feel too much pressure. If she does feel okay about it she could be using you for ego strokes. Sometimes opposite sex friends do that for a person..serve to stroke the ego if no bf is present or the bf doesnt provide that type of emotional fulfillment.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2008
In reply to: gsteve001
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 10:18pm
I think your absolutely right. For some reason, I feel as if she is pulling me along. I couldn't think of a reason, but I can understand your thoughts. It's like she encourages me to be there for her, and I tend to be the first person for favors. I am a kind, very caring person, and maybe she is using me to fulfill something she doesn't have. What I meant by its her attraction that finds me is- I may feel the need to be attracted just because she is a highly attractive woman. Any guy that looks at her will most likely agree. So with all that friendship going on, and then you add the attracted state to it, there falls this desire for me to have some kind of romance with her. Thank you, that makes a lot more sense to me.
-I was getting that feeling, but I think I'm too afraid to admit it. Because other than being dragged along, shes really fun to get along with. And I like her for that.
-To be completely honest, I feel like shes turning on this protective mode when I say something that will put her in the place where the subject of romance, or actual dating may arise. She changes the subject, saying something that she knows I both hate and love her for.
-But could call of this just be me thinking the worst? How do I tell if she's doing this for a reason? Could I ask? I mean, after all, If it's true, perhaps the better result will come out in the long run, for me and her.
--What do you think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: gsteve001
Wed, 10-15-2008 - 11:11pm

If you feel that a conversation is in order, then do it.