is it love? age old Q, no answer

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
is it love? age old Q, no answer
5
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 10:52pm
hey guys new here.........

im sure ppl have posted in past about "am i love", "could it be love", but sorry here is another one lol...ive olny known him since january...yet i feels like 4ever...he lives 500 miles away, yet he feels so close....and the feeling is mutual....few days ago he asked me if i thought i was falling in love, lol i got so tongue tied i tried to hang up..didnt kno wat to say...im jus so scared, ive never felt anything like this b4..he possesses many of the qualities i want and need in a man...i can say anything to him...and hes there for me..regardless if he lives so far away...i speak 2 him numerous times in the day, i always kno wat hes doing and vice versa..i jus dont kno.....i kno non of u guys can answer if im in love or not....but how did some of u kno it? how soon? and do i even kno wat love is.....i know love is different in everyones eyes...but wats ur definition......
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Fri, 03-12-2004 - 11:02pm
Love comes in many forms. You love your parents, your siblings, your friends, your pets, your SO, chocolate, etc. ;-) All in different ways. However, what you're talking about can only be gauged by TIME. If you both still feel mutually that you love one another and are IN love (2 different things) after months and years go by, then it's probably genuine. You can't really know the difference between love and infatuation in the first months IMO. Also, you can't truly get to know someone except through face to face interaction and lots of it IMO. A real life relationship can't be developed over the phone or internet. That's my 2 cents.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 8:21am
I tihnk being in love is not the right question - the right question is do you love him and loving is giving. Period. I think you will know if your love is based in reality and is lasting if you spend consistent in person time with him over the next 6 months to a year - I think it is harmful to speak to him so often and always know what he's doing - that sounds more like need and possession rather than love and the phone conversations can build a fantasy image. To me love is when I am inspired to give to the other person, and care about that person a great deal and those feelings are based on a history of knowing each other over time. Passion is when I am attracted to the person physically and feel chemistry. In many new relationships, infatuation is mistaken for love because you really don't know the person - especially if what you do most of the time is talk on the phone - for example, you have no idea what kind of connection you would feel to this person being in the same room and silent for long periods of time.

I would talk to him at most once a day for a few minutes to check in and find a way to see each other at least once a week in person - if that is not possible then I would seriously reconsider whether you want to put all this time and effort into what could be a long distance fantasy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 8:59am
i agree Deena, so often those in a new romance will confuse infatuation for love...love takes time to grow....i believe the seeds of love can be there from the start, but i am hesitant to vow love prematurely and it is a red flag to me if men talk of love too soon.

honey

    

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 10:02am
How much time have you spent together-in person?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2004
Sat, 03-13-2004 - 3:02pm
I agree with the other posts. I met and married my ex-husband through correspondence. He actually PLAGIARIZED a famous writer. My counselor has commented that people are especially prone to misrepresent themselves over the internet, etc. I just think you need to be VERY careful. People can project MANY different personas, none of them having anything to do with reality.