Is it ME??????? help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2004
Is it ME??????? help!
2
Sun, 08-01-2004 - 10:21pm
Hey everyone- I'm a 23 yr. old female, my boyfriend of 3 and a half years is 29.

We have a pretty healthy relationship, except for a few fights now and then. Fights over STUPID stuff. Please be patient enough to read all of this mumbo jumbo.

Take this example. A few days ago, my phone broke. Most of the numbers on the keypad didn't work. So my boyfriend told me that he'd get a new phone for me. And he did. It happens that his brother works for an electronics company and sometimes gets certain products at lower prices. He bought the phone from his brother.

I asked him last night "how much did you pay him for the phone?" He told me "FORTY bucks."

OK. Now, later on that night, a few hours later, we came across the topic of the phone again. For some reason, he told me how much he paid his brother for the phone. BUT THIS TIME he told me "THIRTY BUCKS."

OK. So first he tells me 40, and now he's telling me 30. So now I tell him: "You told me forty before, and now you're telling me thirty. Which is it?"

First he totally denied the fact that he told me FORTY at first. He went on and on, telling me "I DIDN'T TELL YOU FORTY." Then, I called him a liar. It was obvious to me, at that time, that he was lying. He told me forty before, and now he just told me thirty.

So I asked him "why did you lie to me?" FINALLY, after arguing for about 10 minutes or so, he went into this story, telling me that his brother owed him some money, so he gave him 30 bucks in person, but in his mind, he gave him 40- I guess because his brother owed him some money, so my b/f gave him less money for the phone. I don't know, some story like that.

I believe his story- I really doubt that that was a lie. I wasn't really mad at the fact that he told me 30, then he told me 40. What pissed me off was that he couldn't tell me WHY he told me two different numbers. I mean, think about it. Someone tells you one thing, then tells you something completely different. Wouldn't you want to know why that person changed things around? It took me 15 minutes to get him to tell me WHY he told me two different numbers.

Well, anyway, he wound up telling me "just forget about this, you got your phone, so shut up," in a NASTY way.

He also told me that I didn't need to know how much he paid for the phone, because "30, 40 bucks is nothing."

He also told me that he didn't feel like going into the reason as to WHY he told me two different numbers because it would have taken him "a half hour" to explain this to me, and because I'd be asking all these questions as he would try to explain.

I demanded an apology from him after he told me to shut up. He didn't apologize.

Ladies, tell me, was it wrong of me to ask him why he told me TWO DIFFERENT NUMBERS? Was it such a bad thing to do that I deserved to be told to shut up? Was it so bad that I didn't deserve an apology?

I KNOW I DID NOTHING WRONG. YET THE JERK STILL DOESN'T EVEN ADMIT THAT HE GOT NASTY WITH ME, DOESN'T ADMIT THAT HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD ME TO SHUT UP, AND STILL DIDN'T APOLOGIZE. And I know I'll never get an apology. And I know he'll never admit that what he said to me was wrong.

I was at the point of tears last night, and he didn't give a crap.

It's not even this particular issue that MAKES ME CRAZY. It's the fact that he RARELY ADMITS IT WHEN HE DOES/SAYS SOMETHING WRONG, AND HE NEVER APOLOGIZES TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!

I really think that HE thinks that he never does anything wrong.

I am so not like him- I admit when i say/do wrong things, and I apologize when I realize that I was being a jerk to him or something. You would think that he would feel secure enough to be the same way with me, but he's not.

I don't get it. Why are some men like this? What do I do?

I really tried to talk some sense into him last night. I said "HONEY, LOOK AT THIS SITUATION. I ASKED YOU WHY YOU TOLD ME 40 AT FIRST, AND THEN TOLD ME 30 JUST NOW. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME ASKING THAT? WHY ARE YOU GETTING MAD AT ME AND NASTY WITH ME? IS WHAT I DID SO BAD?"

Talking like that didn't work. Nothing does. I am really at a loss, here. I know, this isn't a major huge problem- things could definitely be worse.

But still, it kills me to know that he doesn't see the beauty of realizing your own faults (so that you can change yourself for the better), and he has too much pride (or insecurity?) to make an apology. And no, if you're thinking that I've rejected his apologies in the past, so now he thinks apologies are useless, and therefore doesn't apologize- you're wrong. He was always like this!

This is so frustrating. It's frustrating to know that I can't do anything to change this.

Any ADVICE, WISDOM, and SUPPORT will be gladly appreciated- be it from someone who is in a similar position, or someone who is not.

Thank you,

J.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 8:31am

You guys actually wasted time on that argument? Whats the difference of ten dollars, or that it took him 15 minutes to explain to you why he said 40 instead of 30....?It sounds as if you guys are at each other throats, wasting time you could spend together, enjoying each other. You wasted 15 minutes of your relationship on that fight and i will garuntee you that you will look back one day and want that time back.


Pick your battles.


Best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-02-2004 - 11:02am
Wow! and I thought that me and my boyfriend had stupid fights. I think you flew off the handle on that one, and maybe you should apologize yourself for demanding an explanantion over something so trivial. I do that sometimes too where I forget which thing I said, THANKFULLY my boyfriend doesn't jump down my throat.

***Apologize and then he should apologize for being short with you. If not file it under OOPS and move on.******