Is it ME or HIM?
Find a Conversation
Is it ME or HIM?
| Mon, 08-06-2007 - 7:04pm |
My BF and I have been together for almost 2 years. Just like everyone says, we have been through a lot together. In the beginning we discussed that we didn't want to label it right away. We took things really slow, even waited to have sex. BF moved about 6 months after we met and started dating. I mean FAR away (for reasons beyond our control and due to family commitements that he'd made prior to meeting me). He was/is never been comfortable with public displays, nor have I. When he moved, he didn't say goodbye, he just left. We didn't talk for about a month. I was devistated. Then, suddenly, we were back together - long distance. The LD love has taken a lot of work. We've gotten into some pretty insense arguements, but have always managed to work through it. He's made several trips to visit me, including a few surprise trips just because he missed me. I don't have benefits at my jobs and only had 1-2 days off per week which didn't allow me time to travel the 13 hours to see him. About 3 weeks ago, I finally made it out to see him. He had begged me several times to come out and see him and I couldn't wait to get there, but was terrified of how it would be. We discussed that this would be a trial run for me moving there. I had a big change at work ahead of me and this was the perfect time to start thinking more seriously about moving to be with him.
My vacation was AWESOME! This was my first ever "adult" vacation without the family and or friends. I spent 6 days with him and fell in love all over again. Things were different between us, but good different - grown up different. We spent a lot of time together both as a couple and doing our own things. I met all of his friends, his dad, his bosses, his neighbors, pretty much everyone in the small towns near his home. I came back (reluctantly) totally in LOVE. I was walking on sunshine. We chatted briefly after I got home. However, BF has always needed a few days after begin with me to get things back to normal (my opinion) - to get used to not being with me (my opinion). I thought everything between us was good, better than good. Apparently, I was wrong because after several days of complete silence from him (his phone was off for days) I received bad news. He was being awefully quiet and short with his responses to my texts (our normal nighttime "tuck-me-in ritual") so I straight out ask if he was breaking up with me. Several days later he replied "Yes, yes I am." No explination. No response to my questions. Nothing. I haven't heard from him since. He's done with me just like that? I don't understand. I don't feel like I've gotten any closure on this because I'm totally confused. And I'm embarassed everywhere I go - because when I got home from vacation I was totally glowing and EVERYONE knew what a great time I'd had.
I'm trying to keep this short so a lot of details are missing. But can anyone give me some insight here? Is it ME or HIM? I know that things happen for a reason, I just need something. Any thoughts you can put into my head might be appreciated. I think I'm going crazy.
My vacation was AWESOME! This was my first ever "adult" vacation without the family and or friends. I spent 6 days with him and fell in love all over again. Things were different between us, but good different - grown up different. We spent a lot of time together both as a couple and doing our own things. I met all of his friends, his dad, his bosses, his neighbors, pretty much everyone in the small towns near his home. I came back (reluctantly) totally in LOVE. I was walking on sunshine. We chatted briefly after I got home. However, BF has always needed a few days after begin with me to get things back to normal (my opinion) - to get used to not being with me (my opinion). I thought everything between us was good, better than good. Apparently, I was wrong because after several days of complete silence from him (his phone was off for days) I received bad news. He was being awefully quiet and short with his responses to my texts (our normal nighttime "tuck-me-in ritual") so I straight out ask if he was breaking up with me. Several days later he replied "Yes, yes I am." No explination. No response to my questions. Nothing. I haven't heard from him since. He's done with me just like that? I don't understand. I don't feel like I've gotten any closure on this because I'm totally confused. And I'm embarassed everywhere I go - because when I got home from vacation I was totally glowing and EVERYONE knew what a great time I'd had.
I'm trying to keep this short so a lot of details are missing. But can anyone give me some insight here? Is it ME or HIM? I know that things happen for a reason, I just need something. Any thoughts you can put into my head might be appreciated. I think I'm going crazy.

Given that your relationship is long distance and that you've had many intense arguements and have "been through a lot together" and are having the whole break up conversation by text (!!!) I hardly find it surprising that you're breaking up. This does not sound like a match made in heaven.
Z_girl, good relationships are easy and calm. They don't have angst and distress and terrible arguments. They're generally not long distance. And they have important conversations over the phone or in person....not by text.
And I don't buy the story about him not being able to change his plans of moving away because of prior commitments. If he had wanted to be with you enough, he would have changed his plans. Nothing is written in stone. When I first met my husband, he had agreed to take an overseas contract for 3 months - but he dumped the contract and found another job so that he could stay around and give our relationship the best possible start it could have.
I obviously don't know what details you've left out, but this doesn't sound like it ever was a good relationship.
Welcome to the board z_girl_79,
Hmm, sounds like he either got scared after your vacation time together or something else is going on...like maybe he met someone else.