is it me, what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2007
is it me, what should I do?
1
Fri, 08-17-2007 - 6:30pm

I don't think my husband is happy.
We have been married for 4 years and 5 months. We got married when I was 4 months pregnant with our daughter. When she was 6 months old (and on our 1st wedding aniversary) I found out I was pregnant with our 2nd child. Now we have 3 kids.
Well that 2nd year was really hard. First he had a cancer scare when I was still pregnant with #2, and thankfully it turned out to be just a scare. Then he graduated from college and then his grandma (whom I also loved dearly) died. And then 5 days after her funeral we moved here, 6 hours away from family. I forgot to add that before we moved away there were rumors going around that said he was cheating me, with one person saying that she SAW him (walked in on him in a hotel room at a dart tournament). At the time I asked him if he cheated on me and he (looked me in the eye and) said no and I chose to believe him.
After we moved here his job fell through. I got a job at a daycare which then closed and I have been watching kids in our apartment ever since. He had a few different jobs before getting the one he has and now he is the store manager.
He throws darts, that is his thing, his stress relief, his out. There are times when he goes out, stays out till bar close time (almost every time) and sometimes gets drunk. I try to chose my battles, I don't mind the darts as long as it is not taking away from his family but I do have a problem with the drinking (getting drunk, a few is fine).
He does not often answer his cell phone when he is out. It is not like I call him every time, but if it is past bar close I want to know where he is, and he is the resident manager of our apartment building also and there have been times that I needed him for that. And I expect he should answer.
Well last night he got home at 2:30 and bar close is at 2. He came home smashed. He said that people were buying him shots. Including a girl and I think it is innappropriate for him to accept shots from a girl since he is a married father of 3. But I just told him that I was upset he was drunk and upset that he took shots from a girl and did not otherwise fight about it. He said that he is really stressed and feels torn between work and family and that he just needed to escape even if it was temporary.

Well today I went to type something in a search engine bar and you know how there is a list of other things that have been typed in? Well on this list was amateur girls getting f*^ked, Helen Chamberlain tattoo, milf, and naked pictures. He denies typing them, but this is our home computer and no one else typed those things in. The same thing happened months ago and I (stupidly) chose to believe his story that he did not type in those things . So he is lying to me.
How can I trust him on other things. I really worry that he is cheating on me. I mean, darts is the perfect cover up.

I don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I love him, I just don't want him to lie to me, I do want him to be happy but I want to be happy too.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:08pm

Welcome to the board mom2,


He is escaping from work and family.... would he go to counseling with you if you suggested it?