is it over

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
is it over
10
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 12:42pm
my ex and i dated for 4 years, i have a 5 year old daughter that he has taken care of since we met. when we met he was completely in love with me. 2 years ago we moved into a 3decker where my parent lived downstairs. he didnt want to move here but he did for me. during the past 2 years he kind of shut down and i in turn became unattentive. he has now met a girl in florida via the internet and has sinse moved out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 1:40pm

You need to start accepting that this is over. In fact, yours is one of the most undeniably "over" relationships I've ever seen. A man who wants to move down to Florida for another girl is not your man anymore, and for you to still even tolerate him living with you under the guise of being a "boyfriend" is astonishing. You're fooling yourself to a degree I never thought possible.

It sounds as though living with your parents downstairs took a real toll on him. But for whatever reason, your relationship didn't survive.

You need to start the process of moving him out. I'm sorry this happened.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 2:30pm
I thank you for being soo straightforward with me. but i am having a hard time letting this go. i know we could have something special if we moved out, if we communicated more. maybe i sound like one of those stupid girls with huge dreams of some jerk of a guy. i dont know, i feel like he left this relationship without even giving us
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 4:27pm

Welcome to the board hnevaeh03,


I totally agree with eggbertshootsfire.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 4:31pm

Maybe you could HAVE HAD something special... But hon... At this point you need to start having more respect for yourself than to keep wondering "what if" about a guy who has already moved on to dating other people.

Step number one, before you do or think anything else, is to get him out of the apartment. As long as he is living with you he will intoxicate your thoughts and it's the first thing you need to do to "purify" your mind of him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 5:18pm
Hey! he hasent lived with me for awhile, he moved out on feb. 14. i know i need to move on, but how do i do that, this is so hard
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 5:21pm
i am angry, i am confused, i know i deserve better, but i feel like he should be apolagizing to me, he just got up and left his family of 4 years, a child too. he left us, he should have stayed and tried to fix it, i dont think this guy is a bad person so why is he doing this swful thing? i dont understand it????
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 5:26pm
Because he wants to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Sun, 03-16-2008 - 8:10pm

It's good that he's out but you're being really hard on yourself. It's only been a month since he left, and it must have been tough on Valentine's day. Healing doesn't happen overnight, it's ok to still feel sad and though you haven't moved on.

It will happen eventually. There's no miracle cure that will make you get over him faster. It will help for you to spend time with friends and family and try not to be alone too often, because when you're alone your thoughts easily turn to him. But don't get angry or frustrated with yourself that you're not over him yet, and understand that there will be a day when you just don't feel like this anymore. Good luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2008
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 8:22am
That breaks my heart, please tell me how to move on from this, how to heal. I dont know what to do. How do i come to terms with this, it is killing me. I cant understand how someone could do this??????????
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: hnevaeh03
Mon, 03-17-2008 - 1:19pm

Grief is a powerful emotion and it takes time to heal.