is it over or is there hope

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
is it over or is there hope
9
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 7:45am

I have posted about my situation before when everything first started back in November. There have been two e-mails sent recently to one of my friends. I am curious if it sounds like it is over or if there is hope.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 11:48am

s174153,


How sad that Bethany is being betrayed by Andy by sharing the emails with you.


I don't know how you would think there is any hope here.


In the first one she's concerned for you as a FRIEND would be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 12:50pm

"How sad that Bethany is being betrayed by Andy by sharing the emails with you."

I agree. That was the first thing I thought when I read the post.

You two need to keep your conversations between the people with whom they were intended. Something that was Emailed PRIVATELY to another person cannot be used as a "case" for or against getting back together with you. You really need to go on what she's telling YOU, not what she's talking to other people about.

Furthermore... She obviously doesn't want this to end in a matchmaking session. I don't know how you possibly could have drawn "maybe she still wants to get back together with me" from her basically saying "I don't want to get back together with him"

It's time to start the grieving process, as itwinflame suggests, and move on to accepting that it's over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 1:06pm

Not sure how you got those emails, why would you disrespect each other that way?

Myspace Codes

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 1:07pm
I guess I should read that into it. My problem was when she talked to me it was always IF we get back together then she wants to do it right. Me coming to her and pursuing her. And IF we get back together we can shop for new rings together. Those are the things she was telling me. That's why when he elected to show me the e-mails I became confused. It is like she tells me one thing and others something else. When I told her I wanted to fight for her she told me that no one is saying not to fight for her but to give her some time. That is why I am all confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 1:09pm
I do not have access to his e-mails. I have told him I do not want to hear anymore either. I have made it clear to him that unless she tells me I do not want to hear it. And since he has told me nothing which is the way I want it. Unless it comes from her I do not know what I can trust.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 1:16pm

To be honest she's stringing you along. She loves keeping your hopes up, it makes her feel good about herself and it gets you to continue showing interest in her. It's a really nice ego boost for her, whether she intends it to be malicious toward you or not. She probably doesn't intend to hurt you but she's stringing you along because right now, her feelings are most important to her.

You should say to her, "listen I can't do this anymore, I'm sorry but I need time to get over this" and cut off contact with her. For good.

The problem you'll have at this point is stopping yourself from responding to her when she says she wants you back, or continually calls/Emails you. Because she probably will - that's the typical response from someone who just realized that the guy she broke up with is finally moving on from her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 1:36pm
I guess my thought are so wrapped around wanting her back that I do not see her stringing me along. We go to the same church, so maybe I should switch churches? Cut myself out of her life? I know she is 22 and has some growning to do as do I. Neither of us are the complete person we are going to become yet. My thinking originally was maybe she just needs some time to find out if I am the man she really wants to marry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 1:44pm
At 22, about .000000000001% of girls in the world know who they are going to marry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Wed, 12-05-2007 - 1:50pm
I think at this point I am just going to let everyone know I do not want to hear about her, talk about her, or say anything about her. I am just going to give her plenty of space. Leave the church a couple months and not tell anyone anything and not answer there calls. Then in a couple months I will show back up one day and go from there.