Is it possible for an ex to change?
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Is it possible for an ex to change?
| Sat, 10-16-2004 - 2:04am |
Hi, I have a straitforward question, Is it possible for a divorced couple to work things out? My situation is that we married young while in the Army, and subsequently moved around and that led me to get out of the army to stay with my now ex to try to improve a rocky relationship. Only 6 months after me getting out, was he sent to another post for training and I stayed back to work for 6 months. While at this other post he became close friends with a girl who was going thru a divorce, and I think more happened between them though he denies it. Anyways, we moved away after the training but our relationship still wasn't good. He has a family history of abuse and I guess I chalked all the verbal abuse he did to me as he didn't know how to handle frustration, finally I said he needed to go to counseling, I had already been going because of recent oncomings of panic attacks and he said there was nothing wrong with him, it was me. Not long after, divorce papers arrive, his mother drew them up being she is a lawyer. So, on from there, we divorced and I moved home and started nursing school, all the while he said he would always love me and wanted us to be friends. Now he is deployed for a year to a combat area and we have stayed in communication even thru both of us dating, now he has ideas of getting back together. I have emailed and written and yelled my past frustrations to him that I never said but should have then, he stays calm and says he knows he messed up and is so sorry for messing me up and hurting my feelings. It seems very different from when I was living with him. I don't know if the distance and the not having to deal with real life right now is the reason for the kinder side of him, or if he is really regretful. He doesn't seem to answer that question, I am wondering if a young man can really change and grow up, or will he return to his abusive ways once I let him back in my life and let my guard down?--nursetobe
Signatures On
| Sat, 10-16-2004 - 2:19am |
This is just my opinion but an abused kid that grows into an abuser needs lots and lots of therapy or they just continue where they left off. The fact that he has been deployed to a hot spot can make a man scared,sentimental and desperate to have connections back home. Once back he may be even worse then when he left after the tension of constant danger. I would'nt be too quick to jump in with both feet. Staying friends is the safest bet and then see when he returns if he has had or will have enough counceling to make him understand and want to fix his problems.
