Is it really over...a lil long

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Is it really over...a lil long
2
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 7:49pm
I’m 18, and I understand that I’m young and should not expect to find the one person right now, but I’m still having problems with my recent breakup. My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years. We were an annoyingly perfect couple that never fought, and were never anything but happy. We spent a lot of time together, but never felt obligated to be together. After 2 years, I went away on vacation, and when I cam back a week later, everything had changed. He said that he didn’t really feel the same anymore. It took me completely off guard. He said that he didn’t feel the same “butterflies” he used to. He said he didn’t think he could handle a long term relationship. I don’t know how our relationship became something he had to “handle”. He said he started to have feeling for a friend when he found out that she liked him. He told me that he was bored with our relationship and that he wanted to just b friends. He isn’t dating this other girl, but they are always together. When I asked him what happened he said he never thought about the long term stuff, but it was always him that talked about the future. He would get mad if I made a comment that made it sound like we wouldn’t be together after college, and he got me to let my guard down and consider our future. It was like he got scared of commitment and changed his mind over night. I never tried to trap him, and I was never a needy of nagging girlfriend. Now he still says he loves the person I am inside, and was really mad when I told him I couldn’t handle being friends because it hurt too much. He doesn’t understand that I miss him and he hurt me. He even talks about getting back together later. It’s like he expects me to sit around and wait for him. He told me that he tries to hurt me by hanging around with her in front of me and acting like he’s happy and ok all the time. He says he still misses the way things used to be. He said he wanted to make me feel bad because I won’t be friends. He was mad when I got another date to the prom, even though he’s going with her. He goes back and forth so much with what he says and does that I don’t know what to think. Also, his mother passed away shortly after we started dating, and I feel like his lack of female influence in this relationship has affected everything. He has changed very much since Christmas, and has developed an ego, and thinks he is better than me. He used to think I was too good for him, now it’s the other way around. He’s been kind of a jerk to me, but I still cannot get over him… I still love him with my whole heart and don’t know what to do. He seems so happy with her, and I want him to be happy, but also what me to be able to be happy again. Do you think that there is a chance for us still, or that it really is over? I’m so confused with the whole situation, and don’t know how to get my life back

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 12:34pm

Welcome to the board taydols58,


Your situation reminds me of one of my little brother's relationships. He was with the same girl for years (4) and then he started feeling like he wanted to date other girls even though he still loved his gf and talked to her all the time. So they break up and he dated a few girls all the while still talking to her all the time and now they are pretty much seeing each other again.


There is a chance you could get back together, but there is also a chance that you couldn't. I think the best thing for you to do is not wait around for him. This isn't your fault or the result of anything having to do with you. This is just about him feeling like he needs to experience dating around.


Don't let him play games with you. If you want to go with someone else to prom than do it. If you can't be friends with him because it is too hard than don't. You have to do what is best for you.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-02-2007 - 6:10pm

Hi taydols58 and welcome to the board,


I'm going to give you a lot to think about and to me it doesn't matter that YOU are young, you'll understand that reference later on.