Is it regret or game playing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Is it regret or game playing?
1
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 11:08am
So, I've been dating this guy since New Year's Eve. He recently broke up with me. He said he needed to focus on his life right now and college and all that. He is much younger than me which I understand. He said he just can't offer me a relationship anymore but wants to be my friend. Well, he didn't lie or cheat or intentionally hurt me so I think I should be his friend. So, why is it that he doesn't go more than one day without calling me or texting? We just broke up two days ago and last night he already called to invite me over to hang out. (I told him I was tired and we'd do it a different night) I get that he wants to be friends but don't you think this is maybe an attempt to still keep me around? And if in fact he needs to focus on his life and not pay so much attention to a girlfriend then maybe he shouldn't still want me around. Can anyone help with this? I really love this guy, he is kind and considerate and smart. I do want to be with him, but I want him to be with me. I figured if I backed off and gave him some space to deal with himself, he would maybe eventually want me back. Now, I'm not sitting around waiting for him, I'm going to live my life. But I honestly thought he would just want me more the space and time away I created. Now, I'm not sure if I want him back or not. I know he isn't a bad guy but I still feel like he is playing with me. I'm not sure of his feelings, (though he says I'll always be more than a friend to him) and terrified to ask him anything for fear that he will just run off. Please help. I don't know what to do and I'm not sure what he is wanting
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-18-2008 - 12:15pm

I don't think you should let him call all the shots. He broke up with you, and since you didn't want the break-up, you aren't ready to "be friends" with him right away. So he calls you and wants to hang out immediately after the break-up, meaning he still wants the benefits of having a girlfriend without the commitment. And I don't mean the benefits of sex, necessarily. He probably doesn't mean to "play you" though. He's used to having you around and even the person who initiates the break-up can sometimes have trouble disconnecting.


You can insist that he not call or have any contact with you for a period of time that you set to give yourself a chance to get over him. You can make the new rules for a friendship and insist he abide by them or no deal. The ball is in your court to control what happens to you in regards to him. I really advise you to take at least a month of no contact, and then, if you're feeling over him enough, you can talk about a friendship. But even if you do decide you can be friends at that point, don't fall into the trap of daily "relationship-like" contact and booty calls. Treat him as you would any guy friend that you occasionally take in a movie with.