Is it supposed to be over?
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| Wed, 04-11-2007 - 9:58pm |
My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years pretty much tried to end things with me a few weeks ago and said really hurtfull things such as "we don't have anything in common" and "we never get a long." Some how we didnt end up breaking up because I didn't want to but since then I have felt like crap deep down and felt like he was just staying with me because he didn't want to hurt me or because he knew he could trust me.. And since then I have also prepared my self to have to move on and I feel like I have only put have of my heart back into our relationship, and its really weird because now hes acting reallly normal and nice... except theres still the underlying problem that he doesnt seem attracted to me, for example he does not seem to lust or long for me...
and while i was going through that tough time I met someone who was really cool but not completely my type and way different from my boyfriend and who happens to really like me now, but I can't tell if I actually like him or if I am just in need of that comfort or attention right now
please help!

Well, firstly, you need to be clear about your relationship with your boyfriend and ending it or not. Obviously, some feelings have come up, most likely issues that have existed in the relationship that neither of you were aware of and haven't been worked on. Then they can arise like a thunderstorm. After he said those things to you, understandably, your ability to trust him and his feelings were seriously shaken. It's impossible to go back then and pretend that things haven't changed.
If you are going to stay with this boyfriend, the two of you need to face what's truly going on, what was brought up in the conversation and also the lack of sexual interest on his part. Unless you do this, the relationship will be fraught with anxiety, lack of trust and pretense.
It's nice that you met someone who cares for you, but you must be sure you are out of one relationship first before you begin another. And, also, as you said, be careful not to jump into something else right away just to cover up feelings of loss and hurt. It's always best to deal thoroughly with one situaion before we emark upon another.
All good wishes,
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Welcome to the board helpstella,
Your bf said that you don't have anything in common and that you don't get along. Do you think those are accurate statements?
Do you still want to be in a relationship with him, but are just afraid of being hurt now? If you still want to fix the relationship than tell him what is bothering you. Like that you don't feel he lusts after you. Communication is important in every relationship. Let him know what you are thinking and feeling and see if things can be worked out.
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