is it worth fighting for?
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| Wed, 03-14-2007 - 4:18pm |
I am a 24 year old who has been a 5 yr relationship with the person that I am sure is the one. He's 26. We work at the same company but different buildings and have daily contact with each other because both of our departments work in tandem on a lot of projects. We don't live together anymore because we both agreed to move home to save money for a downpayment to buy a house. I sleep over about twice a week.
In the last month our routines have become rather boring, sitting at home watching movies, etc. to save money. We haven't been having sex either. I jokingly made the comment one night that lately it was like 2 best friends are having a sleepover. A few weeks after that, he told me he wanted to take a 30 day break. I was devastated. I tried to adhere to limited to no contact during this time, but I have failed miserably. I showed up 4 days ago after arguing about how I felt that this break is unfair to me. If he's sure that he wants to be with me it shouldn't be something that he is confused about. He tells me that he is embarrassed that I pay for a lot of things because I make more money than he does. I don't care that I make more money, I'm proud to be able to take care of him. He says he isn't sure what he wants to do with his life and says he loves me and misses me, but wants to be friends. He says I've done nothing wrong. He wants to be free to figure out himself. But, here he is stringing me along because I still want to be with him and he is not sure. He is not sure of anything. I know that I should give him time, but shouldn't I set some sort of time limit so this break is fair to me? What should I do? I'm so confused.

>>I know that I should give him time, but shouldn't I set some sort of time limit so this break is fair to me?<<
To be honest, I don't believe in breaks. I feel that someone either wants to be with you or they don't. I see a break as a way of hedging one's bets.
If I were you, I would not accept a break. I'd want either on or off - (and if it's off then go away and let me heal). However, the result of this can be that they choose to leave.
My personal views aside, if you want to give him his break but have a time limit (it's only fair to you), then don't ask him for a time. Instead, TELL him how long you will wait.
And do make sure you have a no contact policy during this time. If he doesn't miss you, he won't hurry in making a decision to return. I know it's hard to have no contact, but you must remind yourself that it's in your own best interests (no matter what the outcome)
DON