Is it worth it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
Is it worth it?
2
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 3:18am
The moment our eyes met we knew there was something in eachother we hadn't seen in anyone else.We are both very deep people,he understands me like no one else does and vice versa.We began our relationship scared to be hurt as we had both been in the past.Our times together were always amazing,the conversation rolled as we both have a lot to say.We were both amazed at how alike we were,we finish eachothers sentences.He has been through a lot in his life including the loss of his parents in a fire.This caused him to have a negative outlook on life to say the least.I too have been through a lot leaving me with the same outlook.We nurtured eachother,we were eachothers fortress.Right away I sensed he needed someone to care about him and give him the attention he has missed out on.I am a very caring nurturing person and it makes me feel good to take care of my loved ones both physically and emotionaly.I am 21 years old and tend to my son and my siblings.So it made me feel good to know that he needed me and he did appriciate me being there.Then things got kinda fuzzy.He became more depressed and formed a "screw it all"attitude.And although he still has strong feelings for me he feels he is holding me back,that I don't need him and I deserve better.He started talking and sleeping with other girls that meant nothing to him and going out and drinking a lot.You can imagine how that made me feel.He still calls me in times of need and I am always there for him.I get scolded by my best friend that I should stop this nonsense.But I get him like no one else does.And I know that he truly loves me,but he is too stressed emotionally too have a relationship with me.At the same time like I said he still calls me and keeps hanging on to me.Sometimes I wish he would stop calling but it's only because I am having a hard time dealing with the fact that we are in love but his issues are keeping us apart.At the moment I don't know what to do.Do I stop returning his phone calls and say this is enough?Or do I let things ride and see what happens although it hurts?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
In reply to: cprcn04
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 8:49am

I can understand your need to help him, with taking care of your own child and your siblings, its hard to just stop that "role". Things is, he is playing off that. He knows that you wanna help him and that you will no matter what he says, what he does. So, if he can go and sleep around, treat you like crap, use you and come back when its all said and done, only to have you still waiting with open arms, why would he discontinue what he is doing? He has the perfect set up.


I feel for him that he lost both parents, but you make your own destiny. You can sit and let that situation and events define who you are, or you can change the circumstances. Its awesome that you are being such a good freind...but you obviosley want more, and he is just using that, feeding from it.


Be smart and be cautious, it sounds like you are to good of a person.


best wishes,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-17-2004
In reply to: cprcn04
Tue, 08-17-2004 - 10:52pm
You are exactly right about him using me because he knows I will always be there.I knew it in the back of my head,it felt good to hear someone say it.Where I am at now though is what do I do?You advised to be causious,but it's too hard for me.I love him deeply and know he feels the same.I think he's confused and stringing me along for a ride until he figures it out for himself what he wants.I am sick of the emotional ride he is taking me on.And although I want to be there for him sometimes I want to cut it off completely.It's so hard for me to be "just friends".If I do decide to quit talking to him it will be hard but I will get over it eventually instead of staying and feeling this way constantly.Like right now I am waiting and wondering if he will call tonight.I want him to but at the same time I don't.I'm trying to fight the urge to call him,it's so hard.I want to call him so bad but I don't want him to think I am chasing him I want to be chased by him.There's a slim chance of that happening but why does he leave messages about how much he misses me.He leaves our specail little songs and inside jokes on my voicemail,it gets me everytime.I told him the other day I was sick of it and he apologized and said he would understand if I didn't want to talk to him anymore.We haven't talked since.So it is now in my hands to make the call or not.Should I?Or should I let him go?What do I do when he finally decides to call and get me with his...i don't know...he just gets me.Do I return his call or ignore it?Help!