Is it worth staying?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Is it worth staying?
8
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 12:52am

My husband and I have been married for ove a year and when it all began, I was in good shape.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2007
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 1:06am

I saw thi post and it actually puts words to what I am trying to say,


"He

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 7:39am

At such a short amount of time into the marriage, the question "Is it worth staying?" seems to have an obvious "no" answer. The way he's treating you is unacceptable and there comes a point where you need to choose between standing up for yourself and standing up for your marriage. Constant put-downs should not come from someone who claims to love you. When you took off your ring, instead of talking to you and wanting to work it out, he had nothing to say but problems with you.

This is going to be a big one to handle and you probably won't be able to do it on your own. If you ask him to see a marriage counselor with you, note his reaction. It will tell you a lot about how far he's willing to go to be married to you. But I think that counseling together is what this is going to take.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 11:56am
This guy is not treating you like a friend, a wife or a partner. Maybe this is a case of admitting you made a mistake and moving on.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 12:23pm

At this point there has been and is a lot of abuse going on and also hurt feelings. The two of you need professional help to work out your feelings and sort things through. I strongly urge you to see therapists and also a couple's counsellor. We all want to change, but when things go too deep and we are not aware of what we are truly feeling, it is impossible to do so alone. You are married to him, you did love each other once, before you just let it all go, it is certainly worth taking some time to understand what happened, what patterns got activated and even if you can't work it out now together, it will certainly help you both in going forward, not repeating the same mistakes.


Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 03-12-2008 - 1:07pm

Welcome to the board sage2007,


Is counseling an option?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2008
Mon, 05-26-2008 - 9:32pm
I almost feel like I am in the same situation as yourself. Although I am not married, it sure feels like it. My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year and a half and it always feels like there is something that I haven't done right. After our last explosive argument, he felt really bad and sat me down and we talked about things that we could do to make it easier on each of us. I have to stress to you to COMMUNICATE. Talk freely with each other without pointing fingers. Discuss issues and tell him calmly how you feel when he says things that hurt your feelings. I can admit that my relationship is still not perfect, but every little bit of honest communication helps. I understand that you work a long week and you don't really feel like being intimate as often as you wish you had the energy for. Have you two thought about maybe coming up with a schedule on the weekends to go to the gym together or something? You need to love yourself before you can give love to someone else. See if he is open to helping you get back into shape and consider if this little change is something that will help the relationship in the long-run.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 5:22am

"My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year and a half"


Funny, in your post

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-06-2008
Tue, 05-27-2008 - 5:32am

I agree that you need to see a marriage counselor.