Is it wrong?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Is it wrong?
5
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:16pm
Hi everyone, I just moved to California to be qith my boyfriend of a little over a year. It has been about 2 years since I have lived with a man but that is not the issue. My current dilemma is that he is taking a Vegas trip with a bunch of his buddies next month, most of whom are totally sex crazed. I totally trust him not to be physical with other women but he has this infatuation with strip clubs. I know they will be heading to them and I really dont have a problem with him going just to watch. I DO have a problem with private dances however, ESPECIALLY in Vegas "Sin City"!! How do I bring this up without it causing a big thing, but the thought of another women NAKED writhing and rubbing all over him just makes me nauseous! I know it is natural for men to enjoy watching women naked and what have you, I seem to find women attractive as well, but I feel that this type of behavior is just pushing it and goes beyond the innocent "just looking". Am I wrong to feel this way? How do I bring up this issue and get him to "behave"? I love him dearly and we have a wonderful relationship other than the fact that he loves women a little too much at times. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: cheetahvb
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:27pm
'he loves women a little too much at times. '

What do you mean by this?

'I totally trust him not to be physical with other women'

Then you have nothing to worry about. If you want to know how he feels about lap dances then ask him. You don't have to be accusatory about it. Maybe you two will be on the same page.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: cheetahvb
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 2:36pm
Just mean loves women a little too much at times as in he always is checking them out and commenting about women, never physical. And I KNOW he believes in lap dances, he went out for his birthday 2 months ago and got a bunch of private dances that he said was just a "given" when you are at a strip club. And I know he would never physically cheat on my with another woman but still the idea of a naked woman laying all over and rubbing and writhing on him is what bothers me, dont you feel that it is a little toooo close? I know he is not going to sleep with them but stil the physical aspect involved in private dances is a bit too close for my comfort, so how do I discuss this without upsetting him?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
In reply to: cheetahvb
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:34pm
'he always is checking them out and commenting about women'

He does this in front of you? Honestly, if I were you I would be a lot more concerned about this. It is degrading to women and disrespectful of you. Doesn't that bother you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: cheetahvb
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 3:53pm
Well I must say that I kind of do the same thing, I too find women attractive, so I just attribute his comments to him being a male in his late 20's with a healthy sex drive. They are never degrading comments or anything like that, just for example we were at the zoo the other day and he says to me, "I am kind of disappointed with the lack of hot women walking around". These comments usually do not bother me, only when allll day long it is like, lets watch this on tv because there are hot chicks on. The issue at hand here is the dreaded lap dance. I do not mind him looking at other women but I do not want him to be that close and personal, ESPECIALLY in Vegas. Although he may say he does not touch them, isnt him being able to feel their naked bodies rubbing on him the same as him touching them, just b/c you do not use your hands does not mean you are not "touching" someone. I want to tell him that I do not mind him going to watch but I dont want him to get any private dances.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: cheetahvb
Mon, 03-15-2004 - 4:22pm
Read the other post about Strip Club just recently posted.....

Having the conversation is a must....but it sounds like your values and his do not match. Think about that, because he isn't going to change even if you have issue with it. As I said in my reply to the other post, if I went out and got a lap dance from a male or female, my boyfriend would have issue with it, and the same is true if he went out, I would feel the same way and we agree it's not 'a given' in our relationship. The key is we agree.

My best to you.


Carrie