It's All About Him

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
It's All About Him
3
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 10:01pm
I have been dating a guy for a year and a half and we have been living together for a year. My main peeve is that when he is going to be late, past 7:30 pm, he will not call me to tell me so. I have asked him repeatedly to please call me because I'd like to know how to plan my evening and to know what to do about dinner and he says he doesn't have to call me. When we argued about this one time, he said it was none of my business what he is doing or where he is. For instance, one time he calls me to tell me he would be home in 15 minutes. Five minutes later he calls and said he had to stop by his storage facility to drop something off. He shows up 4 hours later!! No phone call! This infuriates me. Of course, when he does show up, he is drunk.

I know him well enough that I do not believe he is cheating on me, but he has absolutely no consideration for me or my needs. When I get angry or upset about his actions, he claims I am just having a knee-jerk reaction. I should be pro-active and not allow myself to get mad. So I guess this means he can treat me like crap and I'm supposed to take it. He also says it's hormonal. He says he has had MANY relationships and have had similar conversations and it hasn't changed a thing. However, he always blames the women instead of realizing that the common denominator in all of this is HIM.

His actions are just not normal to me. He spends 3-4 or more nights/days(some time on the weekends, too) a week with "the guys". Also, he NEVER comes home before dark unless he is getting ready to go out again.

I don't know what else to do. I would appreciate any comments from the gals or guys as to what is going on and what to do about it. I love the guy, but this is driving me NUTS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 10:13pm
Why do you stay with a guy like this? He drinks too much and treats you badly.

You can stay and be a doormat or you can leave and make a life for yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 4:39pm
I agree, I think mabey you should try takeing some time apart untill you get your head straight and thinking clearly. than decide weather or not he's right for you, but from what you said I think he needs a real eye opener like this and mabey he might straighten him self out and realize that your part of the relationship too, and it's not just a one way street.

I wish you the best of luck, in what ever choice you make just make sure it's going to make you happy too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 5:26pm
Well, sounds like the guy has a drinking problem...if he tells you one thing, does another and every time he shows up "whenever" he's drunk. It's just that he doesn't "intend" to get drunk it "just happens" as a result of going out for a drink.

FYI- I'm a drunk in recovery - I've been there done that, said it all - etc. etc. etc.

Or, he is a very independent guy...and his idea of the "ideal reltaionship" is having a companion to make the duties of life easier for both of you, make financial options and opportunities more abundant for you both - but not having alot of interaction, conversation, and integration with each other - except in bed.

You pick it - 'cause either way you can't change it or him.

Erin

quickblade14@hotmail.com