its always about him

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
its always about him
23
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 8:17pm
My boyfriend and i have been together a year and ive started noticing that everything is always what he wants to do and always about him. keep in mind he is an only child but he is 22 and should be grown out of that by now. How do i turn things around where its not so draining on my end but not make a big nagging argument about it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 8:53pm

I believe you're making a mistake thinking that he can change.

Thinking that the world revolves around us is not something we grow out of. Rather, it's a personality trait. You seem to believe that this is a childish trait ...but I work with young children and can tell you that even at the age of 7, lots of kids know the world doesn't revolve around them. Of course, some kids do think the world revovles around them...but experience has shown that many of their parents act just the same. I don't know if it's caused by nature or nurture, but judging by the parents, it's something that one doesn't "grow out of".

Like it or not, this is your boyfriend's personality. It's up to you to decide whether or not you can live with it.

Personally, I couldn't do it.

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 9:17pm
How does he respond when you tell him what you'd like to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 4:58pm
It depends on what it is. I suggest we see a movie he isnt exactly into and he just flat out will say no im not seeing that. another incident was i had a extra ticket to a concert he didnt want to go to but that very same weekend he asked did i want to go to a car show with him. I told him I didnt want to go but if he went to the concert then i would go to the car show with him so he just decided not to go at all to eighther one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 06-08-2007 - 5:12pm

Welcome to the board lrlibo,


::It depends on what it is. I suggest we see a movie he isnt exactly into and he just flat out will say no im not seeing that. another incident was i had a extra ticket to a concert he didnt want to go to but that very same weekend he asked did i want to go to a car show with him. I told him I didnt want to go but if he went to the concert then i would go to the car show with him so he just decided not to go at all to eighther one.



This is who HE IS.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 5:34am

>> I suggest we see a movie he isnt exactly into and he just flat out will say no im not seeing that. another incident was i had a extra ticket to a concert he didnt want to go to but that very same weekend he asked did i want to go to a car show with him. I told him I didnt want to go but if he went to the concert then i would go to the car show with him so he just decided not to go at all to eighther one.<<

Hmmm...to be honest, I don't see anything wrong with his behaviour here.

There is no way I'd go to see a violent movie with my husband and there's no way he'd go to a soppy romance movie with me. But we both respect each other's right to not attend something we'd dislike. Frankly, I see it as rather selfish to want a partner to attend a movie they would dislike. Instead, we take our mates who have the same taste in movies to see stuff our partners don't like. That's what friends are for!

Likewise with the concert. Even if tickets were free, there are some bands that I simply would refuse to go and see. Actually, there are some concerts I would not attend even if you paid me to go. Again, you attend with a mate who actually LIKES the music. My husband is so NOT into musical theatre - my mom and sister see those shows with me.




Edited 6/9/2007 7:53 am ET by iv_aisha2004
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 6:42am
Good question. Maybe you should become a CL--whatever that means?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 9:35am

Perhaps she has found happiness with a great partner after a series of bad partners and therefore sees what qualities the OPs significant other is lacking?

When you've experienced how nice and easy a happy relationship is, you wonder why people are putting up with partners who are bad for them when it's possible to do so much better.

In response to your other post, "CL" means "community leader".

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 06-09-2007 - 10:37am

Hi!

I'm thinking that you mean the CL is too pessimistic about the ability of the OP's boyfriend to display different behavior, is that right? You have a more favorable outlook on the situation, and think the OP should continue the relationship. I think I'm more on the CL's side, although we could use some more details.

If the boyfriend NEVER wants to do ANYTHING she wants to do, but he wants her to do what he likes, then there's a problem, and they are probably not right for each other. If she is just reacting to this one particular incident, then it's probable they could talk it out and smooth it over.

The significant thing is that it doesn't sound like he understands why she's unhappy, and he's not motivated to change his behavior. If that's the case, then nothing is going to change, and she will continue to have reasons to feel resentful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:31pm

i'm with the cl....

he will not change....your life will always be like this if you stay with him.

i hope you are stong enough to do what you need to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2007
Mon, 06-11-2007 - 12:58pm

perhaps. perhaps not.

the op called her 22 year old man of a boyfriend a child.

is it possible that maybe we only are getting the one side of the story in a couple of sentences and it entirely a one sided view-point that isn't balanced or fair? if so, wouldn't any advice based on that would be unfair and unbalanced? Maybe she was even flaming at the time she wrote what she did and it was all about her point of view? Maybe he really does give into what she wants to do on occation? JMHO

and, even if it is accurate are there ways to help her accomplish a change in the relatiosnhip if she wants to keep it going?

thanks about the info about CL....they obviously do lead the community around here and now I know why that is.

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