its always about him

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
its always about him
23
Thu, 06-07-2007 - 8:17pm
My boyfriend and i have been together a year and ive started noticing that everything is always what he wants to do and always about him. keep in mind he is an only child but he is 22 and should be grown out of that by now. How do i turn things around where its not so draining on my end but not make a big nagging argument about it?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Tue, 06-12-2007 - 11:57pm

Your post is quite confusing. Metaphores are good when short, but when you drag them out it's very hard to understand.

>>>Your pants example is an okay example for someone dating someone (maybe like the OP), but it doesn't hold up for a real relationship or marriage.<<<

My intent was only aimed at dating, not a marriage or very committed relationship. By the time you reach a marriage or a very committed relationship, you should know that you are compatible with your partner.

I was also speaking of compatibilty rather than isolated conflicts. But even then, I don't like the idea of pointing the finger. I've found that I get much better results when my partner and I think of problems in terms of "us" rather than "I or you need to change". It is important to take responsibility for your actions, but it takes two people to make a relationship work. You can do all the personal growth in the world, if your partner doesn't care, nothing will get solved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Fri, 06-15-2007 - 3:20pm

There is no way I'd go to see a violent movie with my husband and there's no way he'd go to a soppy romance movie with me. But we both respect each other's right to not attend something we'd dislike. Frankly, I see it as rather selfish to want a partner to attend a movie they would dislike. Instead, we take our mates who have the same taste in movies to see stuff our partners don't like. That's what friends are for!


Likewise with the concert. Even if tickets were free, there are some bands that I simply would refuse to go and see. Actually, there are some concerts I would not attend even if you paid me to go. Again, you attend with a mate who actually LIKES the music. My husband is so NOT into musical theatre - my mom and sister see those shows with me.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2007
Fri, 06-22-2007 - 1:08pm
My boyfriend is the same way. I think that it's actually a guy thing. Lots of men have a hard time thinking about others and hardly ever others before himself. I think it does have a whole lot to do with the way a person is raised. Yea, you can't change someone unless they want to change. You can try having a talk with him especially if he doesn't know how you feel. Sometimes a good sit down and heart to heart help. But I think that if hes an only child hes probably used to getting his way on everything. Hopefully, you can learn to live with it and I wish you luck because I know from experience it's a long hard road. Good luck!

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