It's gone from bad to worse

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
It's gone from bad to worse
4
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 3:15pm
I posted the other day about the friend who asked my boyfriend for his number. Well, it has now blown up and I am not sure what do about it. I don't know if this relationship can be saved or if this was a glaring red flag to get out. I am hurt and feel disrespected.

I had dinner with my bf the day after this exchange and he informed me that she had called him twice that day. I expressed my concern and told him that I was not comfortable with it. He laughed it off indicating that he found my "jealousy cute". He told me he was surprised that she called just to chat and that he did not think much of it. Ok...I felt better and planned to call her the next day to resolve this with her. Well, the very next day I get a vm from her in which she stated that she had lunch with him. She works nearby and invited him to lunch. I lost it at this point. I called him and asked if he really had lunch with her and he said yes. I got so choked up that I couldn't talk. I told him I couldn't talk right now and hung up. I then called her and left a pretty scathing vm. She spent the next two hours trying to call me but I let her sweat it out. I needed to calm down first. I finally called her and let her know that she had crossed the boundaries of friendship and that both our friendship and my relationship were now damaged as a result. She apologized and assured me it was all innocent and swore that she erased his number and would not contact him again. I ended the conversation with I need time to cool down and was not sure about the status of our friendship at this time.

That was last night. I did not call my bf back. I am still not calm enough to talk to him. He has not attempted to call me either. He left for a business trip today and will not return until Friday. I have a few days to get myself together. He has a lot of explaining to do if he values this relationship. In the meantime, how should I handle it if he calls? I am not sure if he is aware how upset I am but I don't want to get into it over the phone.

What would possess someone to something so stupid and jeapordize their relationhsip/friendship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 02-04-2004 - 4:15pm

I dont think your bf is the only person who needs to reevaluate things. Why are you with someone who not only gives his phone number to other females, but accepts lunch invitations from them also?And while your reevaluating that, you might want to reconsider this "freindship" that you seem to thin kyou have with this girl.No friend I have would ever do that to me.


What would make someone do something like this?Lack of appreciation, disrespect, I could go on....


Good luck,


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 10:49am
Re-evaluating is where I am right now. I am not one to make quick emotional decisions and have been taking a few days to get myself together. I am a forgiving person but that does not mean I will continue a relationship with either as it was before. He comes home today and it is time to address this. Wish me luck and clarity! I am going to be open to hear him out and take note as to what he says and does. The behavior was hurtful but how we handle this will either make or break us. I really like him and am not sure if this was a stupid mistake or an indicator that his level of interest in me is not where it needs to be for a relationship.

Do you think it matters if there was supposed to have been a third person joining? (A male friend of hers who lives near my bf) We have wanted to introduce the two since my bf is new to the area and does not have many friends here. I ask because that is the reasoning that she is giving me for setting up the lunch. I have not confirmed that with him nor will I bring it up tonight. I will wait and see what he says about the lunch. (Personally, I don't know why she would think that her friend would join her for lunch when he told her last week that she needed to back off as she was getting too clingy but my bf would not have known this.)


By the way, my friendshiip with her is over. The more I think about it, the more sure I am that she is a manipulative, needy woman who has this whole damsel in distress thing going for her. I fell for it and now my bf may have fallen for it.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 11:14am
I think the fact that your boyfriend went out to lunch with this woman, knowing that you were uncomfortable with the situation, and then doesn't mention it to you is pretty undefendable. I think you have every right to be angry. Good luck with it.

Tessax

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 02-06-2004 - 11:28am

You are right. Her behavior was outrageous and truly crossed the boundaries of friendship.