It's my problem, please please help me

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2006
It's my problem, please please help me
4
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 12:59pm
The problem I have is with me. Usually, the messages on here are asking for advice with a partner, but this one, is about me. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, In love him very much and he says he loves me, we have our ups and downs, some worse than others, but we've always mannaged to work them out. My boyfriend lives with me and of course we share the same bed, so far, our sex life has been amazing, of course with ups and downs, like everyone else....but when we dont have sex for one night, I get upset, I feel unloved and that he isnt interested in me or my body. I understand that is probably a serious sign of self doubt, but I'm working on that. I suffer from depression, but that can be brought under control, or more under control and I refuse to seek proffessional help or medication because I feel that I have it under control, and I realise that my depression is a big part of the way I act and the way I feel, but I'm always working on improving the way I handle it. I don't know why though when we dont have sex, I get so upset, I wont let him touch me, and when he tries to even give me a cuddle I sharply move away as if he's done something horribly wrong. It happened last night, and I acted as usual, now he's stormed out, and can I blame him? I don't want to loose him, if we are to finnish, it should be over something that neither of us can change, not because of something that im doing that is so stupid.
Why am I doing this? He doesn't deserve it, he's tired at times, what's wrong with that?!
What's wrong with me and what can I do to stop this?! PLEASE HELP.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 4:22pm
Nightsrose, you have a serious medical problem (your depression), and it's destroying your life, yet you refuse to seek medical help to deal with it. How does that make sense? Please reconsider your determination to go it alone, and get some help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
Sun, 03-25-2007 - 7:20pm

'I understand that is probably a serious sign of self doubt, but I'm working on that.'

Exactly how are you working on that? What are you doing, proactively, to improve your self-esteem issues? Are you reading books, journaling, getting to the root of the problem and talking about that with your boyfriend? Seeing a therapist?

'I suffer from depression, but that can be brought under control, or more under control'

How do you get it under control exactly?

'and I refuse to seek proffessional help or medication because I feel that I have it under control,'

Then honestly, why are you having these problems and continuing to suffer from depression and posting here for help? Seriously, I don't understand why you won't get help with your depression like any other medical condition or seek a therapist if it is based on something specific.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 3:01pm

Welcome to the board nightsrose,


First I want to say it is good that you recongize that you have problems that you need to deal with. However, you don't have to deal with them by yourself. There is nothing wrong with admitting that you need help. Please consider seeing a doctor for your depression. Depression is a serious illness and even the stronger people can't overcome it on their own. Try some medication and if you don't like what it does to you than you can always stop taking it.


You have to decide what is more important to you. Battling the depression on your own or saving your relationship.


If you really want to try to fix it on your own. Look into sciencetology. I know they have beliefs on dealing with depression that don't involve medication.


Good luck to you.

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-26-2007 - 4:28pm

You've already mentioned that you suffer from depression and are doing your best to handle it. That's wonderful, but there are also unconscious causes of depression, issues within that can cause you to feel and act in ways that you would rather not, such as what you described with your boyfriend when you don't have sex. You need to get some professional help to understand why this upsets you so. Even though anyone online can offer theories and suggestions, they don't really know you or your history. If you truly want to find out why you have this extremely upsetting response, you need to seek professional help and sort it out. If you do not, it is certainly possible that this behavior can destroy a relationship that seems to be very dear to you. No couple has sex every nite. If you experience this as a rejection and punish him for it, not only does that put enormous pressure on him and on the relationship, but it's unfair to you as well. He's not there to save you from your depression and upset feelings about yourself. This kind of pressure makes him into an object there, just to satisfy your needs. That's not love and that's not the basis of a healthy relationship.

Go get yourself the fine, professional therapy you need and you can certainly work this out.

Best wishes,