It's No Bed of Roses....is it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
It's No Bed of Roses....is it?
7
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 11:23pm

Hey ya'll. Ive been with my boyfriend for about 4 months. We met online and it was love at first sight. He is an amazing man, everyone in my family just loves him. We have already planned on getting married (Im almost 21 and He's almost 26). This is really my first serious serious marriage bound relationship. I just wanted to double check. Relationships aren't a bed of roses, are they? I realize that it isnt intended to be a movie or TV like relationship, but is it bad? We have our little arguments over little things. Even after that we are still good but they is a tiny bit of tension. I still love him even after we argue, I just want to see if that's normal. Even when you're in love is it suppose to be perfect? Is it bad that we argue? Will it get worst after get married (because Ive heard that the first year is tough, really tough). Any feedback would be great!

P.S. I'm not worried that our relationship will fail, I just worry how much fighting is too much fighting. haha. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2005
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 12:56am
Before I go into why talkiing marriage at 21 with a guy you've been going out with for only 4 months is a huge mistake, what do you fight about and how often?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:44am

>>what do you fight about and how often?<<

In addition to sjmystic's question, can I ask about HOW you fight? Are they disagreements which are discussed in a calm manner or are they fights with raised voices and insults? Also, are the problems resolved or are they recurring issues?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 2:57am

Wow! You're already arguing during your honeymoon phase?

Can you elaborate further?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 6:59am
How much of the four months you've been together was time you spent together online? How long was it before you met in person?
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 10:21am

Well, yes of course, couples argue and bicker. That is normal. But as you say yourself, it depends how much fighting goes on, whether the two of you hurt each other in the process and whether you have the tools needed to work out differences. Along the way all couples run into differences and have disagreements. That's normal. Whether or not a relationship works out depends upon whether they have good communication skills - whether they're willing to talk things over, openly and honestly, and really listen to and respect the other. It also depends upon knowing yourself, what you need and how to give to your partner.


There are many books, courses, workshops which can teach you about the knitty gritty of relationships and how to navigate the difficult times. I suggest you learn more about who you are and what is needed to make a relationship last.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2006
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 10:43am
We have spent almost every weekedn but one together. We talked on the phone for at least a month. Its just small stuff that we argue over, like taking something I said wrong or vise versa. We are very honest with each other, with everything. We don't ever fight with raised voices, calmly and talk over the situation at hand. We have a understanding that we forgive and forget and never bring up past arguments. We aregue maybe 3 times a month.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-16-2007 - 1:33pm

Welcome to the board whittybit,


Most couples put their best foot forward in a relationship, especially during the 'honeymoon stage' the first 3-6 months, then their true colors come out.