its over...again
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its over...again
| Wed, 08-20-2008 - 3:57pm |
we met in april 2007. we moved in together in september 2007. Fast! but it sounded good at the time. we were very much in love. we had a great time together, so why not? i bought the house, financed it in my name & he had a hard time paying the bills. anyhoo, one day in october 2007, he came home from work and told me he changed his mind, he didnt want to have kids, (which he told me he did), and that he hated living with my cat, which he knew i had. so i got very upset, obviously & i told him to leave. so he did. he moved out the next day. i tried to stop him after i calmed down to talk, but he wouldnt listen, he just left. A week later, he came over asking if he could move back in. and i let him. i had thought about having kids & decided i didnt HAVE to have them. he made me happy & thats all that mattered. so we were good until february. until the night we had another blowout over his X wife & his son's birthday party, (yes he has a kid with her & didnt want them with me). they had planned a joint party for their son & left me out of all the plans. i didnt even know his bday was coming. it was her family, his family, and my family wasnt even mentioned or considered. so we fought & it got out of control, etc etc...my feelings were very hurt & i felt very left out of that part of his life & then he moved out again. this time for a month. we talked on the phone, working things out, communicating, got together a few times & decided to give it one more try. so for the third time, he moved back in. for some reason, we communicate BETTER WHEN WE'RE APART. he doesnt deal well with conflict, sometimes he doesnt deal with it at all. sometimes he was hard to talk to or he blew things off that should have been dealt with. sometimes he was mean & stubborn when i tried to communicate with him. i felt like i was the only one trying or compromising. WE DIDNT FIGHT A LOT, BUT THERE WERE THINGS THAT I realized I WASNT EXACTLY COMFORTABLE WITH. HEARING HIM TALK TO HIS X, HE SEEMED TO LIGHT UP WHEN HE TALKED TO HER (it wasnt just about their kid, and he got very defensive when it came to her. AND I FOUND MYSELF FEELING JEALOUS BECAUSE THEY SHARED A CHILD TOGETHER & WE DIDNT. I FELT LIKE SHE HAD A PART OF HIM I WOULD NEVER HAVE THAT WITH HIM. (oops caps lock was on) i started to wish that he didnt have a son with her or that we had one together. i just felt "WEIRD" and uncomfortable & insecure and i couldnt put my finger on it. i didnt wanna feel that way. i mean, we had a LOT of good things, but this was major. so he apparently sensed my discomfort & finally after our last fight, decided to leave again. instead of talking & working thru it or at least trying to work it out. he just gave up saying he wanted to be alone & he didnt feel good being with me anymore. i'm trying to be ok with this. im trying to tell myself it wasnt meant to be. did i settle? did i screw up? did i ruin it with my insecurities? why couldnt i be ok with the way things were? i miss him so much. im trying to understand. any outside input? i know it cant be saved, but i need some peace of mind.
Signatures On
| Wed, 08-20-2008 - 4:04pm |
Find a man who wants what you want. You would always resent him for not wanting kids and for having a child without you.
| Wed, 08-20-2008 - 4:37pm |
yeah. i guess so. when he came home that day and said he didnt want kids, it hurt very bad. but we had just bought that stupid house together & i loved him & i probably made the wrong choice taking him back, but live & learn right? the guy before him did the same thing to me. told me he wanted kids & then changed his mind, and when i was married we didnt want them at the time, so i figured i wasnt meant to have them....? maybe i cant be with someone who has kids? thats few & far between. which also crossed my mind. so i was afraid to admit i 'resented' his having a son because i didnt wanna be alone. its funny. i was single for a year & a half, had a bad break up, and when i was finally starting to be ok with being single, i met this guy, and then all this happens...maybe im meant to be alone? UGH!
| Thu, 08-21-2008 - 5:53pm |
PS
