It's Unfair! What do I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2004
It's Unfair! What do I do?
1
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 2:57pm
My boyfriend and I met about a year and a half ago. When I met him, he was not currently working which didnt bother me at the time because I figured he would just go out and get a job. Well things were really great between us in the beginning. We had a lot of fun and a lot of passion. A few months later things started to turn. He still was unemployed and money was a big issue because i was in college and only working part-time and I wanted what every girl wants which is to be taken out, get flowers, all that fun stuff in a relationship. He finally got a job a few months later and we decided to move in together. I love him and I know he loves me but I feel I have to take on all the responsibility of everything and in return I get nothing. He works FT but makes nothing(minimum wage + child support thats taken out) I have been paying for almost everything for the past year and am very tired of it. I still want to be taken out and I still don't get to. I dont understand why he doesnt get another job that pays more. With his past gf's he took care of them and took them out and paid bills. Why won't he with me, when i mean more to him than these other women? We barely have sex either. I have a pretty high sex drive and he doesnt really. When we first started dating he acted like he had a high one also but now everytime I go to kiss him or try to have sex he tells me NO. It makes me so angry when he does that. He won't even simply kiss or make out for a little bit. What is up with that? Besides all that I do everything around the house, including laundry, cleaning, dishes. I just want more attention and intamcy from him, he never compliments me anymore and doesnt treat me like he should. He does stuff for me and I do appreciate it, but I can't seem to get past the money and sex issue. What should I do?? Please Help!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 5:57pm
I can tell this situation is stressful. Think about it from his point-of-view for a moment, he's making less money than he's use to, he lives off his gf and probably embarassed by it or ashamed of it, though he's not sharing it with you. Lack of sex could be lack of job satisfaction and/or depression.

So, it's time for you to address the issue - take him for a walk and talk to him - tell him that you are wondering how he's feeling about the relationship and his job. Ask him if he's needs are getting met? Let him talk if he will. If he won't then you address what's bugging you. I feel we have grown apart and it's reflected in our sex life, I would like to find a way to change this, do you have any ideas? If not, you suggest couples counseling. If he's not interested tell him that you are considering ending the relationship because of the inability to communicate your needs effectly, be hear and see some interest in making the relationship better.

Reading material to consider:

Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw

A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman

His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr

Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix

My best to you.


Carrie