I've changed/grown up, he hasn't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2003
I've changed/grown up, he hasn't.
1
Wed, 05-09-2007 - 8:24pm
I have been married for about 4.5 years. Now, I am almost 27 and DH is 34.
Over this time, I feel that I have changed. I have accomplished personal goals such as losing 40 pounds (I did it for myself) and I am just graduating from college and have a "real" job now.
DH is great...but things have been very busy lately, that we haven't had any "us" time. He works A LOT! He says that he has to, but I know his boss who is telling me that he really doesn't need to be there that much--DH prefers to get things done himself than have someone else do it. He was recently sick and couldn't work for more than 3 weeks, so was at home all the time. I spent this semester interning, working part time, going to school full time, and picking up shifts at an old job here and there.
Money is a little tight right now because DH is just getting back to work again, but we are getting by. I honestly could care less about going out to do things (that cost money) and am perfectly content watching a movie on tv, taking a walk, or hanging out.
DH is the same as the day I met him. He loves to play video games--he goes in spurts where he'll play a lot, but then he may not touch it for several weeks. He is addicted to tv. The tv is always on, he is happiest laying on the couch watching tv--that's pretty much all he did while he was off work. He'll come home from work, take a shower, watch tv, fall asleep watching tv, eat, watch some more tv, then go to bed. He has no desire, most of the time, to do anything else.
I feel like I married my best friend. We can have fun together, and joke around, but something seems to be missing. He seems to be more of a friend than the husband that I loved.
DH's friend lives with us...he has lived with us for nearly 3 years. Over the course of our marriage, we have lived together, without anyone else, for 4 months. I don't mind his friend living here at all, he is more of a help than a hinder. But, DH is frequently eager to chat with him at night when his friend gets off work, so I'm left out.
We don't fight...we never really have. I'm not sure what to do. He's really not a good listener--he'll interupt me and turn things around and then get frustrated and the conversation is over soon after it has began. I have found that writing him a letter or e-mail about how I feel and what's going on helps, but he thinks that I am trying to make him feel bad.
I just want to be happily married again. I know that I have changed and he has mentioned it before, but I tell him that I have just grown up since he first met me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 05-10-2007 - 3:13pm

Welcome to the board serendipity010403,


I really think that having his friend move out would help your marriage. Even though you said you don't mind having him there. Having someone else live in your house doesn't allow you to have full privacy or to do things together that you might otherwise do.


As far as spending more time together, ask your husband to go on a walk with you or play a board game together or something. I think it is good that you write him a letter/email letting him know how you feel. Communication is important in relationships.


Would he be willing to go to counseling with you?