Jealous

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
Jealous
12
Fri, 02-27-2004 - 2:02pm
I don't know what to do! My girlfriend is part of an amateur dance performance troupe. Part of this requires costume changes between numbers backstage, where there isn't a dressing room. I have accepted the fact that this is just a part of performance, but it still really bothers me knowing that 1/2 dozen men have seen her in her underwear. In addition, one of the women-only numbers requires a backless costume in which they must remove their bras. Since the guys aren't in the number, they're just hanging out backstage while the girls are briefly standing around in nothing more than a thong. I spend time with these guys socially, and I know their intentions aren't dishonorable towards her, but I still have a serious problem knowing they've seen her almost completely nude. This has greatly affected the intimacy in our relationship to the point that every time she changes clothes at home or takes a shower, I don't even want to be in the same room. She says I'm being "stupid" about this, and it's not a big deal. Again, I respect her, and am very proud of her involvement on the dance team. However, I don't think it's unnatural for me to be jealous of this. Thoughts??

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2004
In reply to: istressedout
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 4:10pm
I would ask; unfortunately, I've seen the area and there is no place for her to change. There truly isn't even room to set up a curtain or screen to separate the men and women. It's not like they're standing around chatting. They have 30-60 seconds to change before running out to perform the next number.

Essentially she has made it clear that she is comfortable and trusting of these people. Other incidents outside of her amateur dance troupe have happened in which similar problems have arisen (i.e. - changed out of her bikini with 2 other guys in a room. she was wearing a coverup but still the fact remains there were 3 rooms and a bathroom less than 10 feet from her in which she could've changed). She is careless and unconcerned with regards to who might see her body.

Some of you may view this as jealousy or control, but it is not. I know of no one, aside from her, that would be comfortable either being in that position or knowing others see their spouse/bf/gf in that position. More than anything, I would like some respect and acknowledgement that she cares about how I feel, even if she doesn't agree. I don't think I'll ever get it though...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
In reply to: istressedout
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 4:22pm
Then you have to decide if you can live with this.....

if she has the option of other rooms/bathrooms to change in and she doesn't want to, is careless or just doesn't care who sees - well, maybe she likes being looked at, maybe she likes the attention. Maybe it makes her feel good about herself.

Sorry for you in this situation.


Carrie

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